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T
Rachel, what is it with you CC girls wanting to make me choke up?
Anyway, I hurt for you. I really do. I don't want to knock your words and your emotions, you've shared them honestly and beautifully. Sometimes life is tough, sometimes it looks grim, sometimes it looks like we're going nowhere, fast. Sometimes we look to others instead of God, sometimes we compare ourselves with others and don't see ourselves as God sees us. Sometimes life seems boring or unfair and sometimes it is. But remember this. Trite as it may sound, it's true. Life is a journey. There are mountains and valleys, there are dull and exciting moments, there are moments of doubts and fears and truth and confidence. There is great struggle, there is great victory. This is normal. I pray that you come to realise the amazing woman of God that you are. I pray that you come to see and believe what it truly means to be made in the image of your Creator. I pray that you can look to Christ first and that He will honour you when you step out in faith. I pray that you will discover the desires of your heart and that, in time, they're fulfilled - God willing. You're my dear sister and I care deeply about you. The man who wins your heart, will be a very lucky man, indeed. I mean that, Rachel. I really do. Young, godly men (American or otherwise) would do wisely to pursue you. There, I said it. Believe it.
Anyway, I hurt for you. I really do. I don't want to knock your words and your emotions, you've shared them honestly and beautifully. Sometimes life is tough, sometimes it looks grim, sometimes it looks like we're going nowhere, fast. Sometimes we look to others instead of God, sometimes we compare ourselves with others and don't see ourselves as God sees us. Sometimes life seems boring or unfair and sometimes it is. But remember this. Trite as it may sound, it's true. Life is a journey. There are mountains and valleys, there are dull and exciting moments, there are moments of doubts and fears and truth and confidence. There is great struggle, there is great victory. This is normal. I pray that you come to realise the amazing woman of God that you are. I pray that you come to see and believe what it truly means to be made in the image of your Creator. I pray that you can look to Christ first and that He will honour you when you step out in faith. I pray that you will discover the desires of your heart and that, in time, they're fulfilled - God willing. You're my dear sister and I care deeply about you. The man who wins your heart, will be a very lucky man, indeed. I mean that, Rachel. I really do. Young, godly men (American or otherwise) would do wisely to pursue you. There, I said it. Believe it.
P
I hate decisions. Should I go back to school? College to be a health care aide or wait a year and get into a veterinarian assistant 2 year course. Do I really want to wipe butts, change bed pans, etc for years to come? No no, I don't. But it's a 20 week course with no waiting list. I cannot remain at my job and I am not getting a manager position. There is no reason to stay at such a low wage. I really wish I knew what to do. I took a risk going to the Christian university, went in with blind faith. Even though it has benefited me in many ways, it provided no job and debt. I feel like I made the wrong decision and I don't want to mess up again. So there's pressure, I wish this was easier.
I found a bird's nest that had been abandoned by the parents. The eggs were still inside... they were a cream color with brown speckles. It looked like three of them were infertile, but one had hatched partway and then died. The tiny baby bird was there, all dried up, still sitting in its half-shell.
When I looked closer, I saw that the birds had used some of my hair to build the nest. They must have found strands of it randomly in the yard, and actually paid enough attention to see it there, pick it up, and put it in their nest. I never really thought of my hair making good nesting material before. It probably took them a long time to gather it up, and I thought later that if I had known, I could have pulled some out of my hairbrush and left it outside for them.
It's just kind of interesting how one thing's trash is another thing's treasure, how I'm inside aggravated by loose hair strands falling out and getting everywhere, and outside there's a little bird carefully picking them up and placing them in its nest like some sort of treasured nesting material.
P.S. Life is kind of weird sometimes.
When I looked closer, I saw that the birds had used some of my hair to build the nest. They must have found strands of it randomly in the yard, and actually paid enough attention to see it there, pick it up, and put it in their nest. I never really thought of my hair making good nesting material before. It probably took them a long time to gather it up, and I thought later that if I had known, I could have pulled some out of my hairbrush and left it outside for them.
It's just kind of interesting how one thing's trash is another thing's treasure, how I'm inside aggravated by loose hair strands falling out and getting everywhere, and outside there's a little bird carefully picking them up and placing them in its nest like some sort of treasured nesting material.
P.S. Life is kind of weird sometimes.
M
Dear God,
My turkey is pretty torqued today. I feel like you keep shaking up my whole world, I guess I'd compare this feeling to what it might be like to live inside a kaleidoscope. I don't know what's real and what's mere illusion. I don't want to keep being spun around. I would gladly give up all the pretty colors just to have some kind of stability.
Lord, nothing makes sense right now. Nothing has made sense for a reeeeally long time. I don't understand Your ways, but I'm trying to believe that You've got this under control. It's particularly difficult to do when I feel so completely OUT of control. You've brought me to my knees so many times in the last few months...
I've been a complete lunatic in front of total strangers- You've stripped me of my pride.
I've wrenched my heart back from those who didn't want it anyway- You've got it to yourself now.
I've handed over my own and my children's lives for you to guide and protect- You've kept me completely off balance ever since.
I don't know how to do this. I don't know what You want. What am I holding back from You? Take it! Whatever it is, it's yours...just please...I've had enough.
My turkey is pretty torqued today. I feel like you keep shaking up my whole world, I guess I'd compare this feeling to what it might be like to live inside a kaleidoscope. I don't know what's real and what's mere illusion. I don't want to keep being spun around. I would gladly give up all the pretty colors just to have some kind of stability.
Lord, nothing makes sense right now. Nothing has made sense for a reeeeally long time. I don't understand Your ways, but I'm trying to believe that You've got this under control. It's particularly difficult to do when I feel so completely OUT of control. You've brought me to my knees so many times in the last few months...
I've been a complete lunatic in front of total strangers- You've stripped me of my pride.
I've wrenched my heart back from those who didn't want it anyway- You've got it to yourself now.
I've handed over my own and my children's lives for you to guide and protect- You've kept me completely off balance ever since.
I don't know how to do this. I don't know what You want. What am I holding back from You? Take it! Whatever it is, it's yours...just please...I've had enough.
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M
Weather: Sunshiny
Outlook: Coffee cup half full
Disposition: Also sunshiny
Currently on my mind:
I think a couple people got the impression from my thread yesterday that I have plans to go back to my ex just because I really believe he's changing this time. I'd like to clear that up- I am not about to uproot my whole life again without proof of a real, lasting change. I've gotten past most of the anger about the timing of this, and I'm happy that he seems to be trying to get his ducks in a row.
But I can't erase from my memory nearly 10 years' worth of...well, everything that happened. Forgive him? Working on it. Go back there without proof that it would be different? No. Besides, quite apart from the fact that I don't want to, he didn't ask.
In other news: I tried...to paint a fairy. Because of the wings, mainly. I thought it would be pretty. However...TRAIN WRECK. I dunno, I really just want to paint over it, but I feel like I should at least finish it first. Gosh I can't wait to take an art class and actually have some idea what I'm doing.
Outlook: Coffee cup half full
Disposition: Also sunshiny
Currently on my mind:
I think a couple people got the impression from my thread yesterday that I have plans to go back to my ex just because I really believe he's changing this time. I'd like to clear that up- I am not about to uproot my whole life again without proof of a real, lasting change. I've gotten past most of the anger about the timing of this, and I'm happy that he seems to be trying to get his ducks in a row.
But I can't erase from my memory nearly 10 years' worth of...well, everything that happened. Forgive him? Working on it. Go back there without proof that it would be different? No. Besides, quite apart from the fact that I don't want to, he didn't ask.
In other news: I tried...to paint a fairy. Because of the wings, mainly. I thought it would be pretty. However...TRAIN WRECK. I dunno, I really just want to paint over it, but I feel like I should at least finish it first. Gosh I can't wait to take an art class and actually have some idea what I'm doing.
I have had my regrets also. As yourself, I am at a crossroad in my life and the pressure is great. There is not much "easier" in this life.
"Once Upon A Time I had a life but then the wheels came off the bus. It crashed through a guardrail and flipped over many times down the embankment. When the smoke cleared the bus looked like a Tonka toy the Jolly Green Giant stepped on just for laughs. Among the survivors were..."
"Once Upon A Time I had a life but then the wheels came off the bus. It crashed through a guardrail and flipped over many times down the embankment. When the smoke cleared the bus looked like a Tonka toy the Jolly Green Giant stepped on just for laughs. Among the survivors were..."