My heart aches for you because, while our circumstances are different, I share a taste of what you feel. I've always compared myself and felt compared to my twin. She is thinner, tanner, more outgoing, pretty...she is now married, recently bought a beautiful house and bought an adorable dog, she's an elementary teacher. Many of my other cousins are married and are starting to have kids as well.
Now, I've gotten much better about feeling insecure around my sister (and I do love and adore her), but my family reunion this weekend, I just felt...I don't know. I'm starting to cry just typing this, just my feelings from those past few days finally being realized as I respond, but honestly I felt not-enough again. I'm not anywhere close to getting married. I don't have a particularly interesting job, and the job I'm applying for where I'm moving isn't what I ever thought I'd be doing and I have no idea if I'll like it. I don't have a house. I feel/felt boring and unspecial and ugly as a person. My experience in South Dakota made me feel like a failure for a long time, and it still sometimes does. I'm not outgoing. I know my family loves me, but I hate that feeling. And I know those feelings are not from God. Christ would never tell me that. Yet in my mind, I view them as truth, and it's a struggle, it's a darn hard struggle, to listen to Christ instead of the lies inside me.
And then I think....what if I get married, or had a house, or had an interesting job? What then? Why would I be a more "special" person having done/been certain things? Because really, those things don't define me and if they are that important to other people, then they don't care about my heart. Shouldn't I boast in Christ no matter what my circumstances?
Gosh, I'm sobbing now. This was the tipping point of my internal stress-bottle I guess, ha. I didn't mean to make that all about me. My point is...I get you. I feel for you. Don't listen to the lies, as hard as it is. Christ has made us free. We are free to be "just a ______" (job title) in Him. We are free to be different from our parents and our siblings and our family. We are free to have peace in Him.