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Hi Everyone,
I am currently in a marriage that is on the boarder of complete destruction.
Right now, I feel hurt, pain, suffering and anger at this marriage and right now, Divorce feels like a way of freedom from a mistake I may have made. I'll explain:
After dating for almost two years, I married my wife (I’m 33 and she is 25 years old, both Christians) in May 2015, for better or worse. We knew we had some problems in our relationship, but we knew we loved each other and that as long as we allow god first into our marriage, our marriage will survive anything. The first couple of weeks were great. We were living a blissful marriage, she told me how she felt, I understood I was taking care of her properly and that she was happy, thus I was happy. And we were serving god in our relationship, which I felt like I was on cloud-9. God is truly good to our family.
Perhaps I was blind to the upcoming storm that was happening. After the first couple of weeks, she suddenly started to shy away from me. She would reject my intimate touches and would walk away from conversations of "what’s going on". Her answer would be "you are not taking care of my heart". Ok, at this point, I am confused because I would ask her in detail on what can I do to help take care of her heart from my end, and she would tell me "I do not know, you will have to figure it out". I am confused, but not defeated. I decided to do some research on taking care of a women's heart. Few things that I saw that I wasn't doing, such as: doing "activities" with her that she likes to do(I hate some of the activities, but I will do them because I love her), listening without arguing because her feelings are from her heart and other things websites say that could help your marriage grow. After two weeks of trying different things, none of it worked. She either tried 5 minutes of it and just said “I don’t feel like it anymore” or just walks away.
She also has started reading these love novels like “50 shades of Grey” and other sex novels. She often compares the main character “Christian Grey” to me and asks “why can’t you be more like Christian” or “I’ll make you into a Christian Grey”. It angers me to a point that we got into a few arguments about her reading those types of books and reminded her on how those type of books is a form of sin that can “snare the mind and pulls you away from God and your loved one”. She ignored me and continued to read those types of books, always looking at me and sighing as if she is disappointed. Finally, I got to the point where I told her that that book is causing our relationship to fail, why doesn’t she read the bible instead and let that enrich her heart; we can read together if she wanted to. But her answer to that was “the books are not the problem, it only help me realize that I never was “in love” with you.” At this point, I am blown away, this women, the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] love of my life (God is first all the time), tells me that she was never in love with me and that she is miserable with me because she doesn’t have a “connection” with me, like those book characters have with their loved ones.
I’ll explain, she believes in a connection is formed on first sight, one that if you truly love that person, nothing can break them. Like a fairytale, when the prince meets the princess and they immediately fall in love and they have the bond that cannot be broken. He would jump mountains, and kill dragons for her, and she felt the same for him.
For a moment, my mind went blank. I felt like “What in the world did I just hear”. Out of the whole conversation, not one word of “God” slipped from her mouth. After that we had a fight and I had to walk away from her. I knew then, God was calling for me to step away and commune with him. I spent a few days reading about marriage restoration and how to be a good husband and how to strengthen your marriage. During this time, my wife was asking me to divorce her and let us both move on, because she made a mistake in marrying me and that she no longer loves me anymore. But I stood on and said “No, god will heal this marriage if we put him first, that connection will happen I will fight for our marriage.” For four weeks, I knew I was in the fight of my life, Satan was trying to break us apart but I wasn’t going to have none of that. I started going back to the gym (God’s temple needs to be “Cleansed”), prayed twice more every day and tried to listen to her feelings (without interrupting her and consoling her without criticizing her) and try to bring her back into God’s word on forming the “connection” she needs for this marriage to work. Took her out to new places to be alone and intimate with her because her complaint is that she “wants” to see different things. During all this time, she is constantly bombarding me with “I don’t love you anymore” or “Let’s get a divorce”. Even during those weeks, I caught her texting another guy (I snooped on her phone). I was furious, and wanted to confront her about this, but I kept it quiet and prayed that she isn’t doing anything that could compromise this relationship. I prayed for strength every day to fight off Satan’s attack against my heart and mind during all this time. For the first three weeks, I thought I was seeing a change from, she said to me “I like seeing these changes in you, it’s inspiring me to do better myself”, we were starting to get more intimate with each other and she was opening herself a bit to me every day. I felt a Joy that I have never had before because god was answering my prayer, and it makes me stronger and closer that I was before to God. But then it fell apart yesterday.
When we were eating breakfast, she wanted to play a word game. She asks me a question, and I would answer. But she asked me a weird question, and I wanted to know about the question, and she got frustrated that I didn’t answer the way she wanted to be answered. She then stood up and said “I can’t put of this sham anymore, I tried to love and care for you but I don’t love you anymore, let me go so I can find the person that can love me the way I want to be loved.” That was the straw that broke the camel back, we got into a huge fight and I left the apartment to cool down. After hours of praying and thinking, I decided that she is not my wife anymore and I need to let her go so I can find my “REAL” wife out there. I came home,(she was in bed watching television), grabbed my phone charger and some pillows to sleep in the other bedroom we have. This is when she confessed to me that she has been cheating on me with another guy. Luckily, I was prepared for this and told her “I Know” and left the room holding my anger back. She followed me to the other bedroom and we blew up in a huge argument and fight. I told her “I lost all respect, trust and now broken love with her and I want to move on without her in my life”. She wanted us to be friends during and after the divorce, I told her that a person cannot be friends with a poisonous wild viper, and all I want to do is move on without her and that I will pray for her on her next journey in life and hope she finds that special someone. This triggered another fight which I begged her to leave the room so I can commune with God because I am vulnerable right now. She then asked me “Do you love me?” I said yes I do, she said she wants marriage counselling and that if it doesn’t work out, we can divorce then.
At this moment, I am truly broken and I need restoration right now. Currently one half of me is saying “get a lawyer and grab the divorce papers, your only 70 days into your marriage”, another side is saying “Just hold on, Help could be right around the corner.” I don’t know what to do right now. I am seriously broken and I don’t think I can recover this marriage at all.
I am currently in a marriage that is on the boarder of complete destruction.
Right now, I feel hurt, pain, suffering and anger at this marriage and right now, Divorce feels like a way of freedom from a mistake I may have made. I'll explain:
After dating for almost two years, I married my wife (I’m 33 and she is 25 years old, both Christians) in May 2015, for better or worse. We knew we had some problems in our relationship, but we knew we loved each other and that as long as we allow god first into our marriage, our marriage will survive anything. The first couple of weeks were great. We were living a blissful marriage, she told me how she felt, I understood I was taking care of her properly and that she was happy, thus I was happy. And we were serving god in our relationship, which I felt like I was on cloud-9. God is truly good to our family.
Perhaps I was blind to the upcoming storm that was happening. After the first couple of weeks, she suddenly started to shy away from me. She would reject my intimate touches and would walk away from conversations of "what’s going on". Her answer would be "you are not taking care of my heart". Ok, at this point, I am confused because I would ask her in detail on what can I do to help take care of her heart from my end, and she would tell me "I do not know, you will have to figure it out". I am confused, but not defeated. I decided to do some research on taking care of a women's heart. Few things that I saw that I wasn't doing, such as: doing "activities" with her that she likes to do(I hate some of the activities, but I will do them because I love her), listening without arguing because her feelings are from her heart and other things websites say that could help your marriage grow. After two weeks of trying different things, none of it worked. She either tried 5 minutes of it and just said “I don’t feel like it anymore” or just walks away.
She also has started reading these love novels like “50 shades of Grey” and other sex novels. She often compares the main character “Christian Grey” to me and asks “why can’t you be more like Christian” or “I’ll make you into a Christian Grey”. It angers me to a point that we got into a few arguments about her reading those types of books and reminded her on how those type of books is a form of sin that can “snare the mind and pulls you away from God and your loved one”. She ignored me and continued to read those types of books, always looking at me and sighing as if she is disappointed. Finally, I got to the point where I told her that that book is causing our relationship to fail, why doesn’t she read the bible instead and let that enrich her heart; we can read together if she wanted to. But her answer to that was “the books are not the problem, it only help me realize that I never was “in love” with you.” At this point, I am blown away, this women, the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] love of my life (God is first all the time), tells me that she was never in love with me and that she is miserable with me because she doesn’t have a “connection” with me, like those book characters have with their loved ones.
I’ll explain, she believes in a connection is formed on first sight, one that if you truly love that person, nothing can break them. Like a fairytale, when the prince meets the princess and they immediately fall in love and they have the bond that cannot be broken. He would jump mountains, and kill dragons for her, and she felt the same for him.
For a moment, my mind went blank. I felt like “What in the world did I just hear”. Out of the whole conversation, not one word of “God” slipped from her mouth. After that we had a fight and I had to walk away from her. I knew then, God was calling for me to step away and commune with him. I spent a few days reading about marriage restoration and how to be a good husband and how to strengthen your marriage. During this time, my wife was asking me to divorce her and let us both move on, because she made a mistake in marrying me and that she no longer loves me anymore. But I stood on and said “No, god will heal this marriage if we put him first, that connection will happen I will fight for our marriage.” For four weeks, I knew I was in the fight of my life, Satan was trying to break us apart but I wasn’t going to have none of that. I started going back to the gym (God’s temple needs to be “Cleansed”), prayed twice more every day and tried to listen to her feelings (without interrupting her and consoling her without criticizing her) and try to bring her back into God’s word on forming the “connection” she needs for this marriage to work. Took her out to new places to be alone and intimate with her because her complaint is that she “wants” to see different things. During all this time, she is constantly bombarding me with “I don’t love you anymore” or “Let’s get a divorce”. Even during those weeks, I caught her texting another guy (I snooped on her phone). I was furious, and wanted to confront her about this, but I kept it quiet and prayed that she isn’t doing anything that could compromise this relationship. I prayed for strength every day to fight off Satan’s attack against my heart and mind during all this time. For the first three weeks, I thought I was seeing a change from, she said to me “I like seeing these changes in you, it’s inspiring me to do better myself”, we were starting to get more intimate with each other and she was opening herself a bit to me every day. I felt a Joy that I have never had before because god was answering my prayer, and it makes me stronger and closer that I was before to God. But then it fell apart yesterday.
When we were eating breakfast, she wanted to play a word game. She asks me a question, and I would answer. But she asked me a weird question, and I wanted to know about the question, and she got frustrated that I didn’t answer the way she wanted to be answered. She then stood up and said “I can’t put of this sham anymore, I tried to love and care for you but I don’t love you anymore, let me go so I can find the person that can love me the way I want to be loved.” That was the straw that broke the camel back, we got into a huge fight and I left the apartment to cool down. After hours of praying and thinking, I decided that she is not my wife anymore and I need to let her go so I can find my “REAL” wife out there. I came home,(she was in bed watching television), grabbed my phone charger and some pillows to sleep in the other bedroom we have. This is when she confessed to me that she has been cheating on me with another guy. Luckily, I was prepared for this and told her “I Know” and left the room holding my anger back. She followed me to the other bedroom and we blew up in a huge argument and fight. I told her “I lost all respect, trust and now broken love with her and I want to move on without her in my life”. She wanted us to be friends during and after the divorce, I told her that a person cannot be friends with a poisonous wild viper, and all I want to do is move on without her and that I will pray for her on her next journey in life and hope she finds that special someone. This triggered another fight which I begged her to leave the room so I can commune with God because I am vulnerable right now. She then asked me “Do you love me?” I said yes I do, she said she wants marriage counselling and that if it doesn’t work out, we can divorce then.
At this moment, I am truly broken and I need restoration right now. Currently one half of me is saying “get a lawyer and grab the divorce papers, your only 70 days into your marriage”, another side is saying “Just hold on, Help could be right around the corner.” I don’t know what to do right now. I am seriously broken and I don’t think I can recover this marriage at all.
Here's the summary of what I wrote:
