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I know I may be sounding a little harshly "one-way", but it works both ways. We men also get indignant when shown too much attention by a not-so-appealing woman. Yet, we have no problem with it when a good-looking woman goes WAY past appropriate with her compliments and attention. I have to admit that when a "looker" kind of strokes my arm or back, I don't go out of my way to get her to stop. And that is not just because I'm old. I was always that way. I know that, in my youth, I probably made a lot of "average" girls feel like lumps of coal. Whereas, I was a sucker for attention from the knock-outs.
Thank you for being so honest, Willie. This is a really great post because of how willing you were to share something we all fall prey to.
And, I've seen many of your posts in which you refer to yourself as "old". You're not old.
You're a wise advisor with a lifetime of experience.
(I'm saying this because for one side of my family, 90 is still young.)
And, I've seen many of your posts in which you refer to yourself as "old". You're not old.
You're a wise advisor with a lifetime of experience.
(I'm saying this because for one side of my family, 90 is still young.)
"Punch" and "slap" are two completely different levels of violence. Which one did you do to the man?
Also, I know it was to stop the harassment, but you should really not considering hitting men that way. Men are ever increasingly hitting women back. So one day you may hit a man to stop X, and he may just lay you on the floor. I think you would of better approached that situation by just walking away.
Also, I know it was to stop the harassment, but you should really not considering hitting men that way. Men are ever increasingly hitting women back. So one day you may hit a man to stop X, and he may just lay you on the floor. I think you would of better approached that situation by just walking away.
*kicks ground*
Eh... shucks... Lady Skylove. You have a most beautiful heart. I see you encouraging and loving people here all the time--and many times, you show kindness to people that I... Well, let's just say that while you're showing them understanding and I'm compassion, I'm sitting in the background biting my tongue (fingers... to keep from typing something super-sarcastic in reply)!!!
To be honest, I'm actually just kind of an ornery little she-troll... but hey, I work with what I've got!
Eh... shucks... Lady Skylove. You have a most beautiful heart. I see you encouraging and loving people here all the time--and many times, you show kindness to people that I... Well, let's just say that while you're showing them understanding and I'm compassion, I'm sitting in the background biting my tongue (fingers... to keep from typing something super-sarcastic in reply)!!!
To be honest, I'm actually just kind of an ornery little she-troll... but hey, I work with what I've got!
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but, unfortunately, "Yes" I am getting quite old. I'll be 71 Friday.
And, I know it more and more when I do a little work. I built a 500 sq ft patio out back last year. That was doable, but tough. The past few days, I have been taking the bricks up and re-leveling them due to a lot of rain here causing many of them to sink some. Now... THAT has been twice as hard as the original job. LOL
I'll probably live into my 90's because my family is also cursed with longevity, but I'm not thrilled about the prospect.
And, I know it more and more when I do a little work. I built a 500 sq ft patio out back last year. That was doable, but tough. The past few days, I have been taking the bricks up and re-leveling them due to a lot of rain here causing many of them to sink some. Now... THAT has been twice as hard as the original job. LOL
I'll probably live into my 90's because my family is also cursed with longevity, but I'm not thrilled about the prospect.
Hey Willie, when do we get to meet the mysterious Mrs. T, anyway???
T
As I shared this story last night, I only came to realise that this incident was probably the one that steered me away away from girls for the last three or so years of high school. Before that I had crushes on several girls and may have asked a girl or two out. But this comparatively small incident (compared to what many have experienced) distressed and disturbed me greatly and and unknowingly had a big impact on me. Doubly so because these were Christian girls. Unsurprisingly, they left the faith a few years later. I can't pretend that I wasn't 'happy' to see them go.
I guess I'm saying, don't deride people's experiences no matter how small they may seem, be careful wherever you are and report people's asses (it's a donkey-like species) to trusted authorities. Look out for one another. God bless you all.
Thanks, Kim.
I guess I'm saying, don't deride people's experiences no matter how small they may seem, be careful wherever you are and report people's asses (it's a donkey-like species) to trusted authorities. Look out for one another. God bless you all.
Thanks, Kim.
This is true. It may not be a big deal to others, but it can leave scars to the victims. Especially if it happened during their forming years.
Well, I never thought I'd ever admit this in public but I was sexually harassed by my grandfather and my cousin when I was around 6-10 years old. These were people I trusted with my life. I thought it was normal. Growing up and becoming a Christian when I was 15, I realized how awful it was, I buried the memories down to the point that I honestly thought it was a dream. I almost got to convince myself that it never happened. Until I saw my cousin again. He became a Christian and lived with our family and my other asked me if I remembered the last time I told them about the harassment. I lied and told them it was not true. I was scared and, I don't know, ashamed? Needless to say, the effects of that trauma led me to make rotten decisions in my life.
Sky, you are precious. I really hope you get to find a Christian job, or work for the church, or work at home. If all possible. Or get away from there and move somewhere near your church and Christian friends. If at all possible.
Well, I never thought I'd ever admit this in public but I was sexually harassed by my grandfather and my cousin when I was around 6-10 years old. These were people I trusted with my life. I thought it was normal. Growing up and becoming a Christian when I was 15, I realized how awful it was, I buried the memories down to the point that I honestly thought it was a dream. I almost got to convince myself that it never happened. Until I saw my cousin again. He became a Christian and lived with our family and my other asked me if I remembered the last time I told them about the harassment. I lied and told them it was not true. I was scared and, I don't know, ashamed? Needless to say, the effects of that trauma led me to make rotten decisions in my life.
Sky, you are precious. I really hope you get to find a Christian job, or work for the church, or work at home. If all possible. Or get away from there and move somewhere near your church and Christian friends. If at all possible.
It's not loosely defined. Here's what harassment is--UNWANTED, unsolicited, inappropriate attention.
So, let's imagine a scenario that is devoid of power dynamics (so, not a workplace). You're in a store shopping and someone gives you UNSOLICITED attention, "What cereal here do you like the best?" She indicates (usually through very obvious body language like, looking away, increase of distance between the two of you, etc.) that she is NOT interested. He continues, "Come on...you're on the cereal aisle. Which one do you like the best?" Now this is UNWANTED attention...aka harassment. The man made his pitch, it failed, and YET he persists. Harassment.
Let's go to man #2. There you are..shopping. He gives UNSOLICITED attention and says, "Have you ever tried this cereal?" You find this man attractive. You answer his question and engage in a conversation. There is no harassment here.
Some will say, "Oh women LOVE to be harassed by ATTRACTIVE men." Uh..bull. The first pitch for BOTH men was not harassment. It was just a man making a pitch. Here's what harassers don't understand: A WOMAN IS NOT OBLIGED TO RESPOND TO YOUR PITCH JUST BECAUSE YOU MAKE A PITCH. Never in the history of mankind has a woman been expected to have a conversation with a stranger simply because he wants her to have a conversation. A woman might engage in a conversation for any number reasons--maybe she's just nice and doesn't pick up any flirty vibes, maybe she finds him attractive, maybe she considers the question harmless, maybe she knows her husband is on the next aisle and will be joining her soon.
However, boundary crossing is boundary crossing. Even when it's done by attractive men.
I've been harassed by attractive men (and I'm very average). I didn't consider their attentions fun. A few got tongue lashings, a couple got slapped.
Men don't seem to understand that women don't like to be objectified. We actually enjoy being treated like human beings and not some kind of product designed to please all men everywhere no matter what. Here's an analogy for you: I have a bit of poison...I put it in water. You're like, "NO WAY...that's POISON!" So now I put it in (fill in your favorite drink). Is your response now, "Oh well, it's just a little poison...I'm going to enjoy this Dr. Pepper/beer/sweet tea?" Uh no...STILL POISON. Harassment in a nice package doesn't stop the fact that it's inherently dehumanizing.
I think it's dangerous for Christian people to perpetuate the myth that women like to be dehumanized...and that they find it particularly acceptable if the man doing it is oh-so-handsome.
So, let's imagine a scenario that is devoid of power dynamics (so, not a workplace). You're in a store shopping and someone gives you UNSOLICITED attention, "What cereal here do you like the best?" She indicates (usually through very obvious body language like, looking away, increase of distance between the two of you, etc.) that she is NOT interested. He continues, "Come on...you're on the cereal aisle. Which one do you like the best?" Now this is UNWANTED attention...aka harassment. The man made his pitch, it failed, and YET he persists. Harassment.
Let's go to man #2. There you are..shopping. He gives UNSOLICITED attention and says, "Have you ever tried this cereal?" You find this man attractive. You answer his question and engage in a conversation. There is no harassment here.
Some will say, "Oh women LOVE to be harassed by ATTRACTIVE men." Uh..bull. The first pitch for BOTH men was not harassment. It was just a man making a pitch. Here's what harassers don't understand: A WOMAN IS NOT OBLIGED TO RESPOND TO YOUR PITCH JUST BECAUSE YOU MAKE A PITCH. Never in the history of mankind has a woman been expected to have a conversation with a stranger simply because he wants her to have a conversation. A woman might engage in a conversation for any number reasons--maybe she's just nice and doesn't pick up any flirty vibes, maybe she finds him attractive, maybe she considers the question harmless, maybe she knows her husband is on the next aisle and will be joining her soon.
However, boundary crossing is boundary crossing. Even when it's done by attractive men.
I've been harassed by attractive men (and I'm very average). I didn't consider their attentions fun. A few got tongue lashings, a couple got slapped.
Men don't seem to understand that women don't like to be objectified. We actually enjoy being treated like human beings and not some kind of product designed to please all men everywhere no matter what. Here's an analogy for you: I have a bit of poison...I put it in water. You're like, "NO WAY...that's POISON!" So now I put it in (fill in your favorite drink). Is your response now, "Oh well, it's just a little poison...I'm going to enjoy this Dr. Pepper/beer/sweet tea?" Uh no...STILL POISON. Harassment in a nice package doesn't stop the fact that it's inherently dehumanizing.
I think it's dangerous for Christian people to perpetuate the myth that women like to be dehumanized...and that they find it particularly acceptable if the man doing it is oh-so-handsome.