Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested??

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#101
Dec 7, 2013
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#101
Ultimatum77 said:
Lol, by the time you go through all these steps one may need a drink and no it's not fruit juice either lol ;) I think just being straight up with people is the best thing.....I hate people who beat around the bush and try to act coy, just tell the girl you like her or the guy if your a girl, which is why i don't get the concept of flirting lol? It's just a time waste imo....better to either go all or nothing than just smugly stay in limbo and act stupid (which is mostly what flirting is)....if I like a girl I tell her so....if she doesn't like me oh well...life goes on :) Even when I was shy with girls when I was younger I never "flirted" with them b/c I considered it dumb/time waste.... :)
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Regarding the bolded part in pink...

It should be this way for both genders, but unfortunately, everyone does not do this.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#103
Aug 20, 2016
542
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#103
jsr1221 said:
Isn't flirting with someone a sign that you're interested? It's not super fun if you're flirting with just a friend, and said friend might mistake for something more than just "harmless fun". Is it fun if it turns the friendship awkward because said person gained confidence to ask the flirter out, and the flirter said no?
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Exact-A-Mundo!
 
Sonflower

Sonflower

Senior Member
#104
Jan 30, 2016
850
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#104
jsr1221 said:
Isn't flirting with someone a sign that you're interested? It's not super fun if you're flirting with just a friend, and said friend might mistake for something more than just "harmless fun". Is it fun if it turns the friendship awkward because said person gained confidence to ask the flirter out, and the flirter said no?
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I never said you should flirt with someone you aren't interested in. You are reading into what I'm said a little bit. I would never promote or condone flirting for flirts sake. I value people's feelings. The idea of hurting someone breaks my heart. I've been through terrible hurts myself. You don't know those things about me...but now you do. Flirting can be quite fun...especially with a bf/gf or spouse. That was what I said.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#105
Aug 20, 2016
542
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#105
Sonflower said:
See, not all women "want you to figure them out" nor does it "make us feel known" or "attractive". This is actually one of my hot buttons. I am not like that at all. I'm pretty sure on this thread I mentioned how I don't like those types of games. Men shouldn't have to guess or figure me out. It's not fair to do that to another person. Many of us women can have a healthy outlook on this sort of thing in a relationship. If I'm unhappy or offended, you'll know. If I want you to spend time with me, you'll know. And if I don't tell you, I have no right to be upset you didn't guess correctly.
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I really hope you can follow through on that last part. I hear people say things like that all the time, but it just SEEMS like that's not what has been happening on the other end.
We do well to listen to some of the stereotypesjust to make sure it's not true about us. We are not always the best commentary on ourselves. And yes many would disagree with me on that. But much of the bible is about that topic. We think we're good, but...according to who's standard. If the Lord Himself could just get the world to see and accept this, so many wouldn't have to die without Him!

Take for instance, flaky people. They're a major pain in the butt for most of us. They cause a lot of stress and misunderstanding, yet how many of them actually can see it, let alone, admit it. And then when they do, it's been my experience, many don't really care.

This is a general discussion.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#106
Aug 12, 2011
10,460
2,683
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#106
i don't know how to flirt.

lol.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#109
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#109
Sonflower said:
I never said you should flirt with someone you aren't interested in. You are reading into what I'm said a little bit. I would never promote or condone flirting for flirts sake. I value people's feelings. The idea of hurting someone breaks my heart. I've been through terrible hurts myself. You don't know those things about me...but now you do. Flirting can be quite fun...especially with a bf/gf or spouse. That was what I said.
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When people say it's just harmless fun, it's insinuating that it's okay to do it with anyone.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#110
Aug 12, 2011
10,460
2,683
113
#110
jsr1221 said:
And yet you're engaged :rolleyes: :p
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it was all Jesus lol!

before knowing about our feelings, i did compliment him from time to time. now, i flirt with him all the time :eek:
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#111
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
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#111
If many women were mature and didn't play these games, relationships wouldn't falter more often than not and the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is. And this goes the same for men, too, so that I way I don't get accused of bashing women. The number one thing is communication. The second someone doesn't do this well, it opens the door for everything else. The fact so many relationships fail is because the many people aren't mature enough.
 
Sonflower

Sonflower

Senior Member
#113
Jan 30, 2016
850
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#113
We all come to the table with our own past experiences and we all have different views of what something means. For example: to me, flirting is fun because I've never abused it or used it inappropriately and no one has ever done that to me. Others might have a different past experience. I've explained what I meant by each thing I've said and still don't feel I'm being understood. I don't feel it's productive anymore.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#114
#114
Transparency is something most people in our pc world no longer do....they always hid behind a disguise/unknown motive that you have to dig deep to unearth....if people were just honest/transparent many of the world's problems would be reduced or eliminated including broken relationships....
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#115
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
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#115
Sonflower said:
We all come to the table with our own past experiences and we all have different views of what something means. For example: to me, flirting is fun because I've never abused it or used it inappropriately and no one has ever done that to me. Others might have a different past experience. I've explained what I meant by each thing I've said and still don't feel I'm being understood. I don't feel it's productive anymore.
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Not to be labor this, but just a note. We were having a conversation on a topic and I feel like you internalized it. You final statement about not being understood, so this isn't productive anymore.

You were understood I believe, but us guys were just talking about a specific topic. Major disconnect between men and women that leaves many unresolved conflicts and broken relationships. I don't think it's healthy to end things that way. That's all.
 
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ntw1103

Guest
#116
#116
zeroturbulence said:
Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested??


What is your reason, or why do you think it's so difficult for people to do??

Also, is there a way to make it easier???


I have my own reasons: Fear of rejection, and... uh.. fear of rejection.. :p


Inquiring minds want to know..:rolleyes:
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Well, actually I did, and now I'm going to marry her. ^_^

We actually did express interest, both of us, and it wasn't some horrible thing. I realize that it doesn't always work out this way, but it is certainly a possibility, and had I not expressed interest would things have gotten to where they are now?

I've expressed interest before, but not had it returned. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing interesting, in fact, I think it is a good thing to do so. Instead of just letting your feelings build for a person, and not knowing if they have any interest in you. I don't think that is healthy, say something. (also, if you say something sooner, it will hurt less if you are rejected.:] )
It can be difficult to overcome fear of rejection, but...
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#117
#117
ntw1103 said:
Well, actually I did, and now I'm going to marry her. ^_^

We actually did express interest, both of us, and it wasn't some horrible thing. I realize that it doesn't always work out this way, but it is certainly a possibility, and had I not expressed interest would things have gotten to where they are now?

I've expressed interest before, but not had it returned. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing interesting, in fact, I think it is a good thing to do so. Instead of just letting your feelings build for a person, and not knowing if they have any interest in you. I don't think that is healthy, say something. (also, if you say something sooner, it will hurt less if you are rejected.:] )
It can be difficult to overcome fear of rejection, but...
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I'll add to that that I said "no"...


... at first.




:rolleyes:
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#119
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#119
ntw1103 said:
Well, actually I did, and now I'm going to marry her. ^_^

We actually did express interest, both of us, and it wasn't some horrible thing. I realize that it doesn't always work out this way, but it is certainly a possibility, and had I not expressed interest would things have gotten to where they are now?

I've expressed interest before, but not had it returned. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing interesting, in fact, I think it is a good thing to do so. Instead of just letting your feelings build for a person, and not knowing if they have any interest in you. I don't think that is healthy, say something. (also, if you say something sooner, it will hurt less if you are rejected.:] )
It can be difficult to overcome fear of rejection, but...
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True dat....I've kicked my own rear on that one before, and more than once
 
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LittleBit1987

Guest
#120
#120
I'm very VERY shy in person, but I didn't exactly meet my husband in person either..

So for me, the fact I look so young, made it difficult for me to even date. My whole 'school carrer' I had my first date when I was 18... And 3 months away from graduating high school. Some could say I lived a VERY sheltered life; and some could say I'm just that damn shy.. But over the years and the older I get, I've gained some confidence in myself and here I am.

The social Butterfly :rolleyes:

I dated guys mainly from blind dates.. And online. Literally no one ever asked me from school if I wanted to go on a date.. Their loss is all I say ;)
 
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