Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?

[Yeraza_Bats]

I can't find a girlfriend either and my porn addiction doesn't help. But it's never gotten to a point where I've been dumped for a porn addiction. I can't get that far into a relationship so it hasn't happened yet. But I've come to accept that I'm single for life.

Oh pffft, theres no need to accept such a thing : p Just continue trying to become closer to the Lord and do right, and continue living as best as you can without stressing about being single so much, and one day you could possibly totally find someone who wants to be with you. Being all melancholy isnt gonna help you with anything though : p

 

[Sirk]

Another thought to ponder about the op. We don't attract what we want in a partner. We attract what we are.

 

[freakingout]

I haven't been able to attract anything.

 

[prodigal]

if someone is struggling with porn addiction, do you really think choosing them as a partner is helpful to them in anyway.
Surely your'd just be a friend to them at first;
and if they've opened up to you , then you can assist them in finding help or council, probably with someone of the same sex.
dating can then be considered wisely when progress and solutions are found for the problem spoken off.

 

[Ultimatum77]

I can't find a girlfriend either and my porn addiction doesn't help. But it's never gotten to a point where I've been dumped for a porn addiction. I can't get that far into a relationship so it hasn't happened yet. But I've come to accept that I'm single for life.

No you won't be single for life! Drop the porn and talking to girls becomes easier b/c you're not preoccupied with *cough "checking her out" ...b/c if you keep indulging porn all you think about is porn and then interact with people where your eyes are not on their face anymore if you catch my drift.....you objectify women w/o realizing there is a soul under all that "meat" that wants to be cared for/about and is precious to God.

I have been wrestling with whether to share this or not as some people like to weaponize other's griefs at opportune moments but with that risk in mind I shall share...b/c it pains me to see fellow brothers in Christ still struggling with this for years and decades......I was not mr. perfect.... before I was a Christian I struggled with porn from age 16-18. It started when I went to a friends house for a birthday party and to not feel left out I joined in.....little did naive me know that I was opening up a can of worms that would corrupt my soul.....

I could not look at internet/tv/billboards w/o thinking sexual thoughts it was so bad I was going insane from the constant mental battle.....it consumed me and I used it as an escape/drug for rejection I had throughout school....

Well around age 18 God started to shake some things up in my life....I had lived as a name only Christian but not as a true one.....

I had to constantly read the Bible and cast down all my vain/ungodly imaginations/thoughts that were ungodly via prayer and scripture...

I had the Lord's help to clean up my mind/soul and my spiritual eyes too. The Lord delivered me from porn, and for 8 years by God's grace I have never turned back to it. My mind is cleaner than bleach! By the washing of the blood of Jesus over my thoughts/mind, in fact I don't even remember the images that's how amazing God transformed my mind! Was it a battle yes, I had to shut off the TV, and put a cross next to my computer....in fact I limited my internet use for 3 months to only school work and then off it went and straight to the Bible....

Satan tried every which way to get me ensnared again, when I was living in the dorm with supposed Christian guys all saying they are going to study hall and then it turning out their study hall was a cover to the RA to watch porn. By the grace of God I made an excuse that I had to go back to my room and left that place where they were "studying"....

Sometimes guys doors would be open and they would watch porn out in the open and I had to physically shut my eyes to it not to indulge that garbage anymore....was I mocked yes.....even crude comments were made about my orientation...but God helped me stay strong....they even had a so called accountability group (which I don't put faith in those things anyway) and it was a gimmick called "truthful tuesday" where guys stand in a circle and confess what they watch....then go wed-mon right back to the vomit....and this was at a christian college mind you.....I never participated b/c by that tiem I had been free of porn for a good 6months and didn't care to eavesdrop on others vices.....

Now 8 yrs later by God's grace I have been free, and don't miss my old life a bit! I can watch TV/internet/billboards and not even have a second thought about lust/porn.....it's almost automatic to the point that I don't even think about it anymore my mind is so clean/pure it's amazing the transformation....I am living proof that God can deliver you permanently from porn.....it does not have to choke your life out....

I can look at a woman and not think once about lust/sex/checking her out b/c my mind has been transformed like it says in Romans. It's become my new second nature to be "blind" to it if you will, even if advertisements are designed to elicit that type of reaction it does not happen with me anymore b/c I cast it down in Jesus name before a weed can take root.....

I hope this helps other fellow believers esp men, and that I am not looked down upon b/c of the person I used to be which I now detest btw

 

[Willie-T]

I've probably said it thirty times. But I will keep on saying it. Spend the lousy $10 on the book, Eyes of Honor.

 

[lv2ski]

There are many great words on this thread. I haven't seen one indicating that porn is often a gateway for much greater sins. Like child, and sadistic things. It'd be a deal breaker for me sisters.

That's why the vices and sins, or like Hebrews 12 says:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
Hebrews 12:1 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/heb.12.1.NKJV

You never know where the sins, vices, and weights (which aren't always sins of themselves) are going to take you ultimately. Instead we, all to often, want to argue about how close we can live to total ruin and still be 'good.'

When the bible says, not to give even the appearance of sin in our lives. Live above reproach, don't give the devil a foot hold or have nothing to do with the unfruitfull works of darkness. The list goes on and on.

Sisters this is like uhhhh.....red flag city

 

[Ultimatum77]

There are many great words on this thread. I haven't seen one indicating that porn is often a gateway for much greater sins. Like child, and sadistic things. It'd be a deal breaker for me sisters.

That's why the vices and sins, or like Hebrews 12 says:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
Hebrews 12:1 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/heb.12.1.NKJV

You never know where the sins, vices, and weights (which aren't always sins of themselves) are going to take you ultimately. Instead we, all to often, want to argue about how close we can live to total ruin and still be 'good.'

When the bible says, not to give even the appearance of sin in our lives. Live above reproach, don't give the devil a foot hold or have nothing to do with the unfruitfull works of darkness. The list goes on and on.

Sisters this is like uhhhh.....red flag city

it's a hard way to live, and you may not be popular/tons of friends but you will grow spiritually if you cast down sin before it even tries to take root! Great post brother!

 

[Demi777]

Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?

...if he lets me burn the porn stuff and let me help him to get out of it yea.. if he only wants to go on and on making excuses..no

 

[AbigailZeke]

I've probably said it thirty times. But I will keep on saying it. Spend the lousy $10 on the book, Eyes of Honor.

This is very interesting, I can't find a sample on Amazon though. I wanted to see the first few pages (I've read a few books on the same subject before and I don't wanna just be re-reading the whole thing). What makes this different?

 

[Willie-T]

This is very interesting, I can't find a sample on Amazon though. I wanted to see the first few pages (I've read a few books on the same subject before and I don't wanna just be re-reading the whole thing). What makes this different?

I'll PM you something.

 

[lv2ski]

it's a hard way to live, and you may not be popular/tons of friends but you will grow spiritually if you cast down sin before it even tries to take root! Great post brother!

I want you to know, I appreciate your post on your own testimony. There is hope and its in God's Word! A porn problem isn't hopeless, but it must be dealt with.

I've never hada porn problem, but I have a short while back run across some stuff on the Internet that put a grip on my mind for a short time. I felt the hooks and the draw and all i wanted to do was look again. I left my tablet in my car went to work, decided to fast. Then in the afternoon, the Lord spoke to me and said, "your free."

That freaked me out so bad! I always urge people to never have, or if they do have, to have nothing to do with that filth. I now have a new appreciation for the power of it.

 

[lv2ski]

...if he lets me burn the porn stuff and let me help him to get out of it yea.. if he only wants to go on and on making excuses..no

I want to caution you on your thinking. This is greater than the "right woman."

Your counsel sounds "motherly," men grow up and leave their mommy's. Many women make the mistake of thinking that they can be the "Vice Holy Spirit," for their man. It's a losing proposition, sadly.

He must be able to stand on his own two feet spiritually, or 5 hewill never be the man who you want/need.

Don't forget, God will expect you to submit to theman you commit to. He must be able to stand up with Jesus, not in his own flesh, on his own. This is a good test.

A man who lives by the power of his strong wife....well we have nicknames for them.

Besides, you're worth more than that!

 

[sassylady]

Absolutely no way, not even somebody who has had a past addiction. Been there and done that one. It's unbelievable how horrible it makes a woman feel thinking she is not good enough

 

[freakingout]

[h=2]Five Stages of Addiction[/h]

1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.
2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.
3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.
5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.

I'm at 2, and I've been there for years without getting worse.

 

[Demi777]

I want to caution you on your thinking. This is greater than the "right woman."

Your counsel sounds "motherly," men grow up and leave their mommy's. Many women make the mistake of thinking that they can be the "Vice Holy Spirit," for their man. It's a losing proposition, sadly.

He must be able to stand on his own two feet spiritually, or 5 hewill never be the man who you want/need.

Don't forget, God will expect you to submit to theman you commit to. He must be able to stand up with Jesus, not in his own flesh, on his own. This is a good test.

A man who lives by the power of his strong wife....well we have nicknames for them.

Besides, you're worth more than that!

We are made to be helpers not maidens. Like said is he wants to work on it Id help but I wont let someone going making excuses etc. If someone wants to change, sometimes we need someone to stay strong at our side. I am not motherly I am just being me. After getting out of a hole he may be able to get up, if not the woman is always free to go. Its baout iving chances and not taking Gods place. Sometimes we have people around for a season, sometimes for a lifetime

 

[lv2ski]

I'm at 2, and I've been there for years without getting worse.

Bro, repentance is now! This is serious, treat it that way. Worse is inevitable. Our lives are o in motion, we're either going forward in the Lord or sliding back.

You6may think that you're ok, but it's really a trap.

When you feel whatever draw start reading the Word, praying out loud or worshipping, or all5three. Leave the place that you could access that stuff, as your crying out to the Lord.

You must change your mind. That's5the Word does. Romans12.

 

[freakingout]

I don't think it's okay.

 

[Depleted]

Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?

I grew up in a time when there was no such thing. It was understood most guys liked their "girlie magazines," and the female version came along, so there were gals into them too. Most of the IRL people I know check out porn on a fairly regular base.

I honestly think "porn addiction" is something like "don't dance, don't chew, and don't date those who do." It's a Christian thing imposed over the real commandments, because it's a lot easier to give up on "sin," if you rewrite the law down to a short-list, than deal with the fact that there is no one perfect, including yourself. It's a way of proving one is better than another, rather than deal with God in our lives.

The modern short-list invented is
1. Thou shalt not smoke.
2. Thou shalt not eat junk food. Thy body is a temple, so blahdeblahblahblah. (All stuff on how to live just right.)
3. Thou shalt not look at porn.
4. Thou shalt debateth these things and rapture, ad nauseum.
5. Thou shalt blame everyone who disagrees with these things, as the cause of the world's decline.

Sorry, you were born in the wrong era, but if you find a church not so hung up on the short-list, you're likely to find someone who assumes you sin, and loves you anyway, because they do too.

 

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