Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

[spunkycat08]

A. I know many men who believe that if a woman eats out with them, even if it's platonic, they should pay the bill. So, this is not really a reliable way of seeing if he likes you. (Although, based on some of the other things in your original post, it did come across that way.)

B. Relationships quite frequently start from friendships. And he maybe trying to take it slow, not rush things. He also may have a hard time expressing his feelings.

C. I agree with Sirk, don't try to pressure him and find out his feelings. Let your friendship grow organically. He's called you a good friend. You have an answer for now. Could it progress from there, who knows? But definitely keep praying and seeking God.

If all he wants to do is to be her friend, then why on earth is he having an intimate one on one dinner with her while paying for both of them?

If my intentions are only friendship, then I would not be doing anything that could be interpreted as *date-like*

And no, I would not like ending up in the grey area, which is where they are now.

 

[violakat]

It may not seem fair, but that's how many of them feel. It's how they are raised. Now, the women, on the other, don't expect this at all.

Really? Really? That sounds a bit silly and not appropriate and not the least bit fair.

 

[violakat]

Reread what I wrote in section B.

If all he wants to do is to be her friend, then why on earth is he having an intimate one on one dinner with her while paying for both of them?

If my intentions are only friendship, then I would not be doing anything that could be interpreted as *date-like*

And no, I would not like ending up in the grey area, which is where they are now.

 

[Nice_Lady]

Really? Really? That sounds a bit silly and not appropriate and not the least bit fair.

Tintin u surely have money-problem issues. God is very generous (even to his enemies) and i m happy about that.

 

[spunkycat08]

Reread what I wrote in section B.

Going out to dinner at night, having an intimate one on one conversation, and the guy pays is a date. That is not friendship. That is not taking it slowly. That is being in the grey area, which is confusing and frustrating. Taking it slowly is keeping it casual. Casual is having coffee, not dinner.

 

[spunkycat08]

This is what the OP and her male *friend* are doing.

Relationship Q&A: Friendships and Faux-Dating | Christ Chapel Bible Church | A Church Without Walls | Fort Worth, TX | Willow Park, TX

I do not do this.

 

[Tintin]

Tintin u surely have money-problem issues. God is very generous (even to his enemies) and i m happy about that.

I wouldn't mind God being a bit more generous to me in tangible ways.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I think maybe in the guy's mind they are already dating, but she just doesn't know it...

 

[Nice_Lady]

I wouldn't mind God being a bit more generous to me in tangible ways.

I knew it! : D Have u never heard of "with what mesure u use.."thats how it returns ; )

 

[spiritleadme23]

I think maybe in the guy's mind they are already dating, but she just doesn't know it...

Except he called me a good friend not his girlfriend

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Except he called me a good friend not his girlfriend

Well, you can date and still not be his girlfriend. A girlfriend implies that a special commitment to one another has been made. A date simply means that two people enjoy spending time together. I know it's confusing and often impossible to know what's even going on. I still stand by my initial feeling that a man wouldn't seek out one-on-one time with a woman on a regular basis unless he was interested in her.

 

[cinder]

Except he called me a good friend not his girlfriend

Well, the simple truth is that I haven't heard of too many guys who change from thinking of a girl as a friend to being romantically interested. Another unpleasant possibility (and one that I still wonder if I had a close brush with) is that he was interested, but in getting to know you, he's realized that it isn't going to work out romantically between you. For your own sake I'd recommend letting go of the hope that he is intending more than friendship. Your options at this point really seem to be 1) decide that good friend is a good deal even if it wasn't your ideal and continue the friendship (maybe with some time or activity limits to protect you from mixed signals or further emotional complications) 2) the all or nothing gamble of giving him the option of "upgrading you" to girlfriend or you'll put your time and energy into someone who will 3) Hang on and keep hoping that somehow he's really secretly interested in you and just won't say it (and deal with the constant disappointment of him not saying it).

The point of being careful about how much intimacy you're building is a good one, but often the people writing articles from that perspective seem to be a bit unrealistic. Though I've had plenty of emotional confusion over it, I still find it hard to really understand why there should be one set of friendship rules for female friends and another for male friends. Grabbing a meal with a friend, going to a movie we both want to see, or enlisting a buddy for a weekend event is still something that I'd be just as comfortable doing with a male friend as a female friend. And though I'm the type of person who prefers just a few close friends, I would definitely encourage you to build a solid group of friends so that it's much less tempting to look to one person to fill the majority of your needs. All the best to you and keep striving to do right.

 

[spiritleadme23]

He's opened up to me a little that he hasn't had a lot of girl friends over the years and he's 27 I'm 23 so maybe he just doesn't know how to differentiate? Except he has three sisters so he could just treat me like he treats his sisters? He's also told me he's struggling with some stuff right now it's not my place to ask but I've let him know I've been praying for him and all that and we pray together sometimes when he's dropping me off at home but not about us together, so besides me praying about our relationship alone I have no idea what he's doing. I've just been seeking out Godly advice from friends and on here.

 

[Fenner]

It's really nice that you're being a good friend and praying with him spirited. I don't know if it will turn into anything more. I guess you might just have to be patient with this.

 

[zeroturbulence]

He's opened up to me a little that he hasn't had a lot of girl friends over the years and he's 27 I'm 23 so maybe he just doesn't know how to differentiate? Except he has three sisters so he could just treat me like he treats his sisters? He's also told me he's struggling with some stuff right now it's not my place to ask but I've let him know I've been praying for him and all that and we pray together sometimes when he's dropping me off at home but not about us together, so besides me praying about our relationship alone I have no idea what he's doing. I've just been seeking out Godly advice from friends and on here.

You could just ask him if he's interested in being more than just friends. He probably won't bite, you know..

 

[cinder]

He's opened up to me a little that he hasn't had a lot of girl friends over the years and he's 27 I'm 23 so maybe he just doesn't know how to differentiate? Except he has three sisters so he could just treat me like he treats his sisters? He's also told me he's struggling with some stuff right now it's not my place to ask but I've let him know I've been praying for him and all that and we pray together sometimes when he's dropping me off at home but not about us together, so besides me praying about our relationship alone I have no idea what he's doing. I've just been seeking out Godly advice from friends and on here.

Certainly not going to say stop praying for him, but do be a little cautious about praying with him as praying with someone can be an emotional and intimate activity and can build a lot of feelings of closeness.

 

[zeroturbulence]

You could say it like this..

"You know I really think you're a great guy and all and I really enjoy spending time with you, but I'm not sure if we're actually dating or if we're just good friends. If we're just friends that's fine, but if you're interested in being together as a couple I'd be happy with that too..."

 

[spiritleadme23]

You could say it like this..

"You know I really think you're a great guy and all and I really enjoy spending time with you, but I'm not sure if we're actually dating or if we're just good friends. If we're just friends that's fine, but if you're interested in being together as a couple I'd be happy with that too..."

I'm afraid he will seriously detract from our friendship if he doesn't feel the same because now it's out in the open that I have feelings for him and he won't want to lead me on so he'll stop talking to me as much or he'll feel awkward around me.

 

[spunkycat08]

I'm afraid he will seriously detract from our friendship if he doesn't feel the same because now it's out in the open that I have feelings for him and he won't want to lead me on so he'll stop talking to me as much or he'll feel awkward around me.

What do you want to do regarding the entire situation?

 

[Tintin]

I knew it! : D Have u never heard of "with what mesure u use.."thats how it returns ; )

Yes. And I'm a giving person. But God does what He does. I can't influence Him either way.