sexual harassment and what to do?

[Depleted]

You haven't the slightest idea the way I have nailed this young man right between the eyes. And he, himself, will tell you it was just what he needed... and maturely responded to.

And, where do you get off blasting him for having a child when you want to shield this gal from comments about the lack of wisdom she showed in having two more with a guy she wasn't married to.... if they were all his.

I know you feel cheated out of a rightful place as a wife due to John's problems. And I understand the "projecting" of your anger upon me. But it is getting old when you start attacking every male on the forum....... especially young men shouldering their responsibilities.

If you would listen long-term for a change, Corb is an interesting fellow. A while ago, (maybe a year or so? It was quite a while ago), he was talking about his child -- not his baby, a child. I do not remember how old his child was, (but I'm thinking teenager or early 20s), but the math wasn't working. A 17 year old could not have a child that age. Someone asked him about it, but he never responded, so I figured he screwed up when he joined the site and added his age. Considering it happens often enough when people join this site, I made no deal of it, but I also remember he's not 17.

Weird stuff happens when you listen. Try it sometimes for something other than gathering ammunition to hurl.

And, seriously dude? You're really making me believe more and more either you weren't really a counselor, or, if you were, you needed a LOT of oversight, or you stunk at it, because you can't suss out nearly half as well as you pretend you do.

That thingy about my hubby? Dude! Really? What was your excuse for me before I even knew hubby had health problems? Because I haven't changed my approach in the three years I've been on this site, and you were throwing those nerf balls that you think are solid ammunition way back then.

 

[tourist]

But for the record I was a 15 year old who was too selfish to say no and too stupid to use a condom....and as a result I got the greatest blessing of my. God showed me who I was to Him through the coolest little boy in the world. Was I stupid? Absolutely. But I'd dare you or anyone else to pick apart my actions since then. I've screwed up 100 times....but I've tried as best I could.
I asked God for help...and He hasn't let me down even when I let me down.

I was stupid when I got married at the age of 23. I don't regret having my daughter though, and 5 grandchildren. I don't think that you were stupid, you just didn't fully realize that there were consequences for your actions. Continue to pray and ask for God's help. That's what I do. We live and learn, line upon line, precept upon precept. A little here, a little there.

 

[Depleted]

That implies that there's no "tough love" or directness in the ladies forum, which we know not to be the case. Some of us ladies are straight-shooters too. I actually prefer the solution-focused, cut-the-niceties approach myself (though I admit that I don't always use it). You yourself don't exactly beat around the bush when you feel someone to be wrong, and you're not the only one.

I don't think folks should be coming down on Willie (and other men) this hard for his (or their) approach. Maybe that's just me though...

Here's an idea for an approach -- when someone asks for help, how about coming up with a list of things that might help? She asked for help. She got
1. Kick him in the...
2. Pray.
3. Use your brain.

Really sucks as a list!

1. Kick him in the... causes more problems than solves them.
2. I'll vouch that prayer works, but getting out of a bad situation works better. She knows this, but no one bothered telling her how.
3. She used her brain, and her best answer for a desperate problem was move back home.

And, since she left after being put down by Willie, yeah. Got to say, that wasn't helpful.

If we're here simply to validate ourselves, why don't we just put everyone down who asks for help?

True we get a lot of people coming here after the damage is done, but this was a woman with children trying to avoid some more damage. Far better to put her down for how she got there?

 

[Depleted]

I know I could be gentler..... but an abbreviated amount of contact on a forum where you only get the chance to type a limited bit of words just doesn't seem like the place for that kind of stuff to me.

I know. You expect short posts and short answers.

Other choice -- walk away.

 

[Depleted]

Is this your promise to stay out of threads that are obviously dealing with male topics? (Since we don't have a private forum)

No, I think it is a big mistake for men not to get female perspectives, and vice versa. That is a lot of what is wrong in communications between the genders today.

How long do you plan to justify yourself by attacking other people?

When was the last time I did join in a "male topic" post?

We agree on this one. I do think guys should have their own forum too.

And, considering half the male input on this was what a jerk she was, that says more about half the men, than men in general. You'd be just as useless with your approach on a guy as you were on a gal.

Big difference though -- when it comes to sexual inappropriateness, it's already assumed this is embarrassing to talk about. And, the person talking about it might already be leery of the men because of it.

Women, because men are stronger, thus more intimidating, and men, because men are more likely to laugh at a man being abused by a woman, and are expected to beat up the person if it's a guy.

 

[blue_ladybug]

What do you mean that a 17 year old can't have a young child? And whether it's a baby, or a 1 year old child, it is possible for him to have one that age. Or do you realize that kids as young as 12 are having sex and getting pregnant these days? Several of my friends were younger than Corbin is, when they got pregnant. So it IS entirely possible..

And besides, back then he told us he was GOING to have a child, not that he already HAD a child.

If you would listen long-term for a change, Corb is an interesting fellow. A while ago, (maybe a year or so? It was quite a while ago), he was talking about his child -- not his baby, a child. I do not remember how old his child was, (but I'm thinking teenager or early 20s), but the math wasn't working. A 17 year old could not have a child that age. Someone asked him about it, but he never responded, so I figured he screwed up when he joined the site and added his age. Considering it happens often enough when people join this site, I made no deal of it, but I also remember he's not 17.

Weird stuff happens when you listen. Try it sometimes for something other than gathering ammunition to hurl.

And, seriously dude? You're really making me believe more and more either you weren't really a counselor, or, if you were, you needed a LOT of oversight, or you stunk at it, because you can't suss out nearly half as well as you pretend you do.

That thingy about my hubby? Dude! Really? What was your excuse for me before I even knew hubby had health problems? Because I haven't changed my approach in the three years I've been on this site, and you were throwing those nerf balls that you think are solid ammunition way back then.

 

[Depleted]

Whoa. Now you know the status of people's souls? I get that you're angry, but this is just too much. Once you start denying the brethren their salvation, that's a sign that you might need to take a breather...

Strange thing about listening to people through the course of a few years. Yes. I can pick out some who are ethnic christians only. How else are we to do 1 Cor. 5 and 6 without that?

And really? You think that's denying salvation? I see that as NEEDING the salvation in the first place!

 

[Depleted]

Maybe Lynn is reacting to the hand she has been dealt. It's tough, I know. And I probably am too. I try to deal with the stroke I had, and with knowing I only have about three years of vision left. I guess we are both feeling a little shat upon by life.

Nope. To me this is all about helping someone if we can. How often are we given that opportunity? And she could have used the help. More frustrating because I have the experience of how to go from destitute back up to middle-class fairly quickly.

It maybe "Friday" but it's not over yet! (That, and I have no idea if it's over on Saturday or Sunday.)

 

[Depleted]

Talk to and protect your kids and yourself. Pray. Contact your local HUD office for a list of emergency shelters and get out...they would give her a place for 30 days to 6 months...get her to work...give her education on parenting, finances, and nutrition to start. HUD would put her near the top of the list for permanent affordable housing.

HUD might find temporary shelters for her, but the average wait time around here for more permanent is 7 years.

I would have gone women's shelter route too, then go for federal programs for daycare for her kids. (Probably nursery schools or after-school care.) Then see what else government programs could give her until she gets her feet back on the ground. Then JOB! Then I know where to go for cheaper rentals, (although cheaper also means more dangerous neighborhoods, so, in that case, she decides which is better. I honestly don't know if Mom's BF is worse than she would ever admit publicly, but she would know, so could judge which way to go from there), and a better plan on how to make money given she is a single mom now.

And, yes. Whereas I know anyone can come here and make up a story, there is also the option for the rest of us, if we believe her. True, people can not ask for money on here for obvious reasons, but that does not mean we can't offer it privately if the Lord leads us to that.

There were things we can offer. That's what bothers me. We didn't have time to offer before it became something else.

 

[Depleted]

Did we all serve a purpose for Him in our actions and words or did we hurt this young mother's feelings and turned her away from fellowship here on CC? Only Jesus knows.

Same thing happened here with what happened to her in life.

What is done is done, but can we learn from that and do better in the future?

It really is too late to help her now, but it's not too late to address the thing that was done here, so it doesn't happen to the next person who enters this site and comes here with a problem.

If this was still about Tasha, I would have ended writing anything when I realized she left. It stopped being that a while ago. It's still about "do better" though.

 

[Depleted]

In my state, they would. Know how I know? My mother was homeless. I've been there. I do know a bit of whats going on I just don't have parental perspective here, I have the perspective of a kid who has lived through a parent who was too addicted to get their act together. I love my mom....But I'd love to see mothers in tough situations get their crap together and spare their kids what the first ten years of my life looked like. You judge me based on a number....you don't know me at all. I mean zero disrespect or hurt at all.


I won't even bother defending myself....but Willie has often done the dead opposite of stroke my ego. Lol.
But for the record I was a 15 year old who was too selfish to say no and too stupid to use a condom....and as a result I got the greatest blessing of my. God showed me who I was to Him through the coolest little boy in the world. Was I stupid? Absolutely. But I'd dare you or anyone else to pick apart my actions since then. I've screwed up 100 times....but I've tried as best I could.
I asked God for help...and He hasn't let me down even when I let me down.

Problem now. So, you're child isn't a teen or young adult? And you really are 17? So, in a post you posted some time last year were you making up your story about what your kid did, or are you now making up a story about being 17? I'm still trying to clarify who the real Corb is at this point.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Do the math. He's 17 now, was 15 then, so he has a 2 year old child. What's confusing about that?

Problem now. So, you're child isn't a teen or young adult? And you really are 17? So, in a post you posted some time last year were you making up your story about what your kid did, or are you now making up a story about being 17? I'm still trying to clarify who the real Corb is at this point.

 

[Depleted]

My comments about having three kids with a guy she obviously didn't even know, had nothing to do with her being a Christian, or not. I hold that taking such a risky step is just plain fool hardy.

Agree with it or not, in this day and age people do shack up long term, do have a family, do have kids in that, and then, maybe, get around to getting married. Since we're no longer in the age where "Irish Triplets" is an understood word, (even funny), and he was Dad to all three kids, let us assume they went to the modern norm, not the Christian way of doing things. Minimum, she lived with the guy for 5 years. Minimum. Exactly why do you think she didn't know the guy?

Everything was cool, (in modern terms) until she became a Christian. And that's when that life began to end.

And given the divorce rate in America, even among Christians, is 50% as is the break-up rate for cohabitation, given she did NOT know God before she knew this guy, exactly what difference does that make, and how does that change what was happening now?

Come on, already! I get we grew up in a different, more stable, era. But this isn't then, and we've managed to be part of the This era long enough that we should get, "unless people know God, there isn't going to be a good outcome to anything, even if it seems swell/far out, man."

Yes, we grew up in a different era, but you seem determined not to notice it's changed, a lot, since then. She grew up in this era. Exactly how was she even supposed to know what she did was risky, until it fell apart? It's kind of like someone teaching you the advantage of Model Ts and Model As back when you were looking for your favorite hot rod. You're just never going to get why the Model A is a better choice, because that's not your era.

And how is she supposed to suddenly get the whole new way of doing things by being scolded for something she didn't know was wrong at the time? Worse yet when the something-is-wrong is directly tied up with who her kids are.

 

[Depleted]

I don't know about this...even by the world's standards, having 3 kids by a man that wasn't even engaged to you at the time, much less married, is still not wise or encouraged, though it happens. The world may have modeled that for her, but I don't think the world encouraged it. Most unsaved people I know would disapprove too. There's someone in my family who had 4 kids by the same man that did not marry her. Nobody talks about it, but I can tell you it's certainly not celebrated.

Really? Because the only person in my family who is supposed to shut up about that is me. Same thing with all nonbelievers we know.

Pretty much assumed sex on third date, a key to an apartment after six months, toothbrush in both apartments shortly after that, move in at first year, and have a kid and get married, or skip the "and get married" part. Even sign a 30-year mortgage before getting engaged.

 

[Depleted]

What do you mean that a 17 year old can't have a young child? And whether it's a baby, or a 1 year old child, it is possible for him to have one that age. Or do you realize that kids as young as 12 are having sex and getting pregnant these days? Several of my friends were younger than Corbin is, when they got pregnant. So it IS entirely possible..

And besides, back then he told us he was GOING to have a child, not that he already HAD a child.

Would help, with you, if you simply read what I wrote. Long-term listening, not required.

 

[AbigailZeke]

Willie already admitted that he could have been gentler, Lynn.

Grace and truth. We need both <3

 

[blue_ladybug]

I DID read what you wrote. The age he was then, the age he is now, and the age of his child all make sense to me..

Would help, with you, if you simply read what I wrote. Long-term listening, not required.

 

[Lighthearted]

I actually forgot all about the age thing. My current age is correct.

I'm judging her based on the information she provided. Is that somehow unfair? I'm sorry you saw that/me as disrespectful. It's far more likely that I'm being blunt not judgemental. And again....I meant no disrespect at all. I apologize if I came off as disrespectful. That wasn't in anyway my intent....but the best thing that ever happened to me was people honestly telling me the cold hard truth....when I can I try to pass that on.

Corbin, I will say it again little brother, you've really stepped up as not a boy but a dad and as a MAN! Men older than you can't even be near as mature. You're bringing up your son the way God intended even if you made mistakes in the beginning. Your son isn't a mistake, He is a blessing and a gift from God. What a testimony for teens you can be...

 

[hornetguy]

How long do you plan to justify yourself by attacking other people?

When was the last time I did join in a "male topic" post?

We agree on this one. I do think guys should have their own forum too.

And, considering half the male input on this was what a jerk she was, that says more about half the men, than men in general. You'd be just as useless with your approach on a guy as you were on a gal.

Big difference though -- when it comes to sexual inappropriateness, it's already assumed this is embarrassing to talk about. And, the person talking about it might already be leery of the men because of it.

Women, because men are stronger, thus more intimidating, and men, because men are more likely to laugh at a man being abused by a woman, and are expected to beat up the person if it's a guy.

Oh, good grief, Lynn..... you're saying that men cannot understand and empathize with a woman who has been harassed/groped/molested because we're men???? Do you assume that ALL men think that kind of behavior is ok, or at least, to be expected?

I don't know what has tripped your trigger on this, but "half of the men responding" did NOT reply un-lovingly, or even insinuate she was a "jerk"....

You need to back up, take a bunch of deep breaths, and try to continue discussing in a civilized manner, sis. You're getting close to the edge of lunacy on this....

 

[Corbinscam]

Do the math. He's 17 now, was 15 then, so he has a 2 year old child. What's confusing about that?

This. I was 15..almost 6 when she got pregnant. 16 when he was born. He's ten months now. I'm a couple months over 17. I've never attempted to gain popularity by being a screw up And I've never tried to portray myself as something I'm not. I don't condone my choices or condemn others...but sometimes the truth has to slap you pretty hard before it all clicks.