Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

[Lanolin]

Musing on the verse two flesh can be one, but Bible doesn't say much about money. Of course Adam and Eve did not actually have money back in the day.
Eve just got pregnant that's all. Punishment enough?
She probably didn't even know thats what the consequences would be, being innocent and all.

I'd just read a book by Danielle Steel called Moral Compass, about a drunken rape at a posh boarding school. With all ms Steels novelistic powers, and description of the confession and sentencing etc, even she failed to mention that the girl could have fallen pregnant and the father of the child would have then been obligated to care for her (and the baby)

 

[Lisamn]

I can't imagine being married, yet having to ask the breadwinner for money every single time I wanted to buy something. I know that keeps people accountable

Isn’t that called marriage?

but it also kinda makes people unequal and lording over each other. I don't know what the ideal solution would be though.

I’m not sure it keeps people unequal...agreeing on spending is good in a marriage to learn to work as a couple. It doesn’t just happen overnight. This though is where I think the Lord comes in. Perhaps you don’t agree...take it to the Lord in prayer. If you can’t do it as a couple..do it as an individual and ask God to help your marriage. Or better yet...ask God to come into your marriage and make it the way He would have it be. We weren’t meant to do this life without God..its just way too hard.

 

[Lanolin]

Isn’t that called marriage?


I’m not sure it keeps people unequal...agreeing on spending is good in a marriage to learn to work as a couple. It doesn’t just happen overnight. This though is where I think the Lord comes in. Perhaps you don’t agree...take it to the Lord in prayer. If you can’t do it as a couple..do it as an individual and ask God to help your marriage. Or better yet...ask God to come into your marriage and make it the way He would have it be. We weren’t meant to do this life without God..its just way too hard.

No I don't think thats a marriage if one person holds the reigns or purse strings and is obstructing the other person all the time. like a version of 'mother may I?'. Sounds like financial or domestic abuse actually. Most people can't live like that, or want to be treated like that.

 

[Lisamn]

No I don't think thats a marriage if one person holds the reigns or purse strings and is obstructing the other person all the time. like a version of 'mother may I?'. Sounds like financial or domestic abuse actually. Most people can't live like that, or want to be treated like that.

We are all sinful people...its in prayer where God is sought and where He will help us with our problems. Because no ones life is without problems.

 

[Lanolin]

its easier to be single lol
I have enough problems of my own without being married as well. Fortunately, most of those problems are easily solvable, or are ones you look forward to, like crosswords or jigsaw puzzles.

I think with marriages you wanna be solving them together as a team, not one person just burdening the other with all their problems. (or creating problems just so you can have the fun of working on them. I know people that actually do that by buying a house that needs renovating! Its like yea we WANT to live in a dump and will spend good money on it fixing it up for 20 years, while we have 10 kids as well at the same time)

 

[tourist]

its easier to be single lol
I have enough problems of my own without being married as well. Fortunately, most of those problems are easily solvable, or are ones you look forward to, like crosswords or jigsaw puzzles.

I think with marriages you wanna be solving them together as a team, not one person just burdening the other with all their problems. (or creating problems just so you can have the fun of working on them. I know people that actually do that by buying a house that needs renovating! Its like yea we WANT to live in a dump and will spend good money on it fixing it up for 20 years)

Being single may indeed be easier but I would say that based on my experience marriage is more rewarding.

Yes, in most marriages there are serious ups and downs but I feel that is well worth the cost of admission.

My single years were very much carefree as I only had to take care of myself but in the end I didn't see the benefit of just taking care of me while excluding the possible other who may impact my life in a positive direction. When it was all said and done it was loneliness that finally got to me and a sense of emptiness deep down inside.

 

[Lisamn]

its easier to be single lol
I have enough problems of my own without being married as well. Fortunately, most of those problems are easily solvable, or are ones you look forward to, like crosswords or jigsaw puzzles.

I think with marriages you wanna be solving them together as a team, not one person just burdening the other with all their problems. (or creating problems just so you can have the fun of working on them. I know people that actually do that by buying a house that needs renovating! Its like yea we WANT to live in a dump and will spend good money on it fixing it up for 20 years, while we have 10 kids as well at the same time)

It probably is...you only have yourself to please.

Life is messy...people are never gonna find the perfect person..no one is perfect. We learn to live together. Christians have extra help in that they have God and it was God that decreed men and women should come together.
First He made man and made a helper for man and secondly he told them that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. That’s what God says is good.

 

[CeeCee]

I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?

I would say that is definitely an Excuse not to be responsible or accountable. Among other things...

 

[Lanolin]

I would say that is definitely an Excuse not to be responsible or accountable. Among other things...

I think one should do the right thing. Especially for the children's sake.

Though I've probably weighed in enough. Some people are just a bit slow, a friend had said in her church there were couples living together with a whole brood of children and they still weren't married. The church would have got together and thrown a wedding for free. Right after the service, right, any couples in the congregation living together who isn't married? You're already wearing your Sunday best. The guests are all here. We gonna marry you right now. No excuses lol.

 

[Lanolin]

This is the new 'altar call'
Instead of sinner's prayer we are going to do the couples prayer (i.e. wedding vows)

Repeat after me...

 

[Goldensparrow]

Unequally yoked refers to the inability to worship with one another because you do not practice the same belief.

As for the managing money in marriage, I would highly recommend Dave Ramsey's approach where both spouses sit down together and make a physical budget that accounts for every cent each month so you are telling your money where it is going versus wondering where it went before the end of the month. When both spouses participate in creating the budget, then one spouse can not place all the blame on the other spouse if something goes wrong because you both share responsibility.

Because the two of you are married, you should have shared accounts. There is no 'this is my stuff and this is your stuff'. That 'stuff' belongs to the both of you. If you are in debt, then that debt belongs to the both of you and you may need to sell some of the stuff you both mutually own to get rid of some of the debt you both mutually have.

Personally, I am not married but I still found Financial Peace University to be of tremendous benefit when I participated in it. I believe it has made a world of difference in how I manage my finances and it is based off of Biblical principles. The Total Money Makeover might be a book worth recommending to these friends who want to unload their stress about finances on you.

 

[Lanolin]

mm dont really agree cos men and women dont wear each others clothes, and husband and wife might not share hobbies and stuff. I mean dad has never touched mums sewing machine, and mum doesnt drive dads car, as an example. So there needs to be a bit of discretionary spending for those sorts of items.

 

[Lanolin]

Id just tell people to go to a budgetting seminar or course like CAP christians against poverty. If they are in financial straits. Or even if they arent, learning to budget is a skill that everyone can learn.

 

[Lisamn]

Because the two of you are married, you should have shared accounts. There is no 'this is my stuff and this is your stuff'. That 'stuff' belongs to the both of you. If you are in debt, then that debt belongs to the both of you and you may need to sell some of the stuff you both mutually own to get rid of some of the debt you both mutually have.

I agree.

 

[Lanolin]

its easy to make extra accounts, ideally even individuals should have more than one, one saving and one spending. A joint one for the big expenses like mortgage or college fund.

sometimes the problems can be on restricted budgets then people dont think to take advantage of sales and want to pay full price for everything. You need to be a savvy shopper on limited resources. That also means you dont always have what you need, when you actually need it. which can be abusive if something is promised that never actually happens.

 

[JohnDB]

To me,
It's sad to see a couple drawn closer over finance discussions or further apart when arguing or controlling by the use of money.

There's this concept of "service to your spouse" in marriage that gets overlooked by so many. When a husband and wife make love a competitive sport in how you can love the other person more than the other...it works out so much better.

My separate accounts are so my wife doesn't call me up five minutes after ordering flowers for delivery to her job as a surprise and ask me about it.
(True story)

Who makes the money vs who uses it for what are questions that should not have to come up. But in today's society I guess it does... avarice is heralded instead of a sin these days.

 

[Lanolin]

To me,
It's sad to see a couple drawn closer over finance discussions or further apart when arguing or controlling by the use of money.

There's this concept of "service to your spouse" in marriage that gets overlooked by so many. When a husband and wife make love a competitive sport in how you can love the other person more than the other...it works out so much better.

My separate accounts are so my wife doesn't call me up five minutes after ordering flowers for delivery to her job as a surprise and ask me about it.
(True story)

Who makes the money vs who uses it for what are questions that should not have to come up. But in today's society I guess it does... avarice is heralded instead of a sin these days.

exactly. say you want to surprise your spouse its hard to do that if you have to ask them about the surprise.
both ought to have separate accounts for things like that. and joint accounts for other things,

 

[Lisamn]

My separate accounts are so my wife doesn't call me up five minutes after ordering flowers for delivery to her job as a surprise and ask me about it.
(True story)

I can see that happening actually...however, I don’t think that’s a reason to have a separate account. I think separate accounts are a lack of trust in the other person and a way to stay in control of ’your’ money...goes both ways, instead of learning to compromise and use the money together. I also think that bringing the matter to God in prayer is the best thing a couple could do.

 

[Lisamn]

exactly. say you want to surprise your spouse its hard to do that if you have to ask them about the surprise.
both ought to have separate accounts for things like that. and joint accounts for other things,

Agree to check the account once a week...get a gift card to pay with or agree to have your own spending money from the main account and use that to buy gifts with.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont know if couples actually have a wedding fund account.
Im sure banks could offer terms just as they do for housing lol