Finding a good Christian girl from France to marry
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The Bible actually says that WIVES are to submit to their own HUSBANDS.
That takes a lot of men and women out of the equation.......
Also, it says that the woman's (meaning Eve's) desire shall be for her HUSBAND (Adam) but he shall rule over her.
Again, this is referring only to a marriage relationship.
That takes a lot of men and women out of the equation.......
Also, it says that the woman's (meaning Eve's) desire shall be for her HUSBAND (Adam) but he shall rule over her.
Again, this is referring only to a marriage relationship.
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Have you actually read the story of Onan? It's really the story of Judah and his sons and their wife Tamar (Gen 38). And Onan's sin was denying his brother an heir and a more woman centric view of the story would also say his wife her purpose in life. He was cheating both his wife and his dead brother rather than doing his proper duty by them; it wasn't about him pleasuring himself (which it sounds like he wasn't as he was with his wife for that part).
If his older brother was so evil that God killed him off in judgement and his father (who should have known better) was the kind to proposition prostitutes, I imagine that Onan had sins a plenty, but it's only his taking his brother's wife and then refusing to provide an heir for his brother (having blocked her from any other options for conceiving said heir) that is referenced as the evil that God saw and dealt with.
Hi French,
I admit I'm struggling with myself here because I really want to answer your thread, but I understand a little bit of both sides of where the posts here are coming from, and it's giving me a bit of an internal tug'o'war.
When I was growing up, I too hated it when older people "talked down to me" when I didn't think they really understood my feelings (and often times, they just didn't.) I still get people older than me patting me on the head and basically saying, "You're just a baby," which I suppose never really stops until you suddenly find yourself being the oldest person in the group, lol. I know they have a lot of wisdom to share, so I do my best to try to listen.
But I also remember that I used to tell myself, "When I get older, I'm never going to talk down to younger people they way they do to me," and now here I sit reading your posts, wanting to answer but unsure of what to say.
I understand that you have very specific desires and inquiries, and while I can't say anything helpful about dating French women (I was only in France for a few days many years ago, but I would like to go back,) I do think it's only fair that you ask yourself a few honest life questions in this process as well.
Unfortunately, hormones, strong desires, and fantasies don't pay bills, don't put a roof over your head, and won't support the family you say you so desperately just have to have right now without waiting.
So.
If you met your "blue-eyed fairy" today and got married even next year:
1. Where would you live? You said you don't have a job. Would you expect her to move in with you and your family?
While there's nothing wrong with this, you said in your post that maybe some of us don't understand because we "gave up" due to getting older. I had to smile at this. Do you know what really happened. What really happened is that we started asking ourselves, "Do we want to live in our mama's house all our lives, or do we want to have a place, and lives, of our own?"
And then we realized that we had to go out, go to school, get jobs, take on responsibilities (groceries, utilities, rent/mortgage, insurance, medical bills, cars, etc.) so that when or if we DID meet the right person, we'd have a bit more to offer them than a room right next to the one our parents are sleeping in and a trip to the family fridge as a dinner date.
I can assure you, we "old people" have plenty of fire and passion of our own, we've just learned that this alone doesn't carry one through life, or at least, not a life that has any hint of being independent.
Actually, let's back it up to the beginning: if you met your blue-eyed fairy tomorrow, how would you take her out on a date? Do you have a car to pick her up? Would you be able to pay her way, or do you expect for her to pay for herself? And in fact, without having a job, would you be able to pay for yourself (otherwise, where would you get the money? Borrow it from relatives?)
After that, there are plenty of other questions to consider even if you did get married.
2. What if you get pregnant unexpectedly, or you decide to start this family you want so badly right away? How are you going to pay for her medical costs, the birth of the baby, and then feeding and raising both her, yourself, and your new family?
3. You've mentioned raging hormones. How are you going to cope if/when your "blue-eyed fairy" can't or won't have sex with you at various stages of the morning sickness, pregnancy, birth, and recovery? What if you suffer a miscarriage or infertility issues that you don't find out about until after marriage? How would you handle that emotionally, and would you be stable enough to be a strong emotional support for her?
4. You have your sights set on a teenage girl. What if she wants to go to college and have a career? How are you going to help her pay for that, since you seem to want to have complete say and control of her life?
I know I'm mentioning a lot of things here that require money and payments -- some will use that to accuse women of being gold diggers, but in reality, it's just a matter of realizing that this is how real life goes.
Unless you're planning for you and your beloved fairy to float on a pixie dust life of depending on your families, your first priority is to figure out how you can support the life you are wanting to live for yourself, and then expand your abilities to be able to support the entire family that you say you absolutely must have right now.
Luke 14:28-29 says, "Which of you, wishing to build a tower, does not sit down and count the cost, whether he has the resources to finish it?"
You want to build a tower (a wife and family.) What skills and resources do you have in order to start working on this? What do you have to offer someone?
Along with asking how to find and date your dream fairy, you have to be asking yourself how you are going to provide a life both for yourself and for her, let alone any children in addition to that.
So sure, it's great to be doing research into how to find the girl you think you want (or that God has put on your heart,) but it's even more important to ask what needs to be done -- what education do you need, what skills do you need to build, what job do you need to have, and what money do you have to save -- in order to prepare for the day you meet her.
I know you see those of us who are answering as old and past our prime, but the thing is, many of us went through times of fantasy and thinking we just had to find our beloved prince or princess right away as well. But it didn't happen right away, and so we used that time to start making down payments on land and carriages and horses, so that now, if we do meet our own "fairy prince or princess," we have a lot more to offer than clouds of glittery dreams, such as life skills on which to build real goals and dreams, not just puffs of passionate words with nothing to back them.
I admit I'm struggling with myself here because I really want to answer your thread, but I understand a little bit of both sides of where the posts here are coming from, and it's giving me a bit of an internal tug'o'war.
When I was growing up, I too hated it when older people "talked down to me" when I didn't think they really understood my feelings (and often times, they just didn't.) I still get people older than me patting me on the head and basically saying, "You're just a baby," which I suppose never really stops until you suddenly find yourself being the oldest person in the group, lol. I know they have a lot of wisdom to share, so I do my best to try to listen.
But I also remember that I used to tell myself, "When I get older, I'm never going to talk down to younger people they way they do to me," and now here I sit reading your posts, wanting to answer but unsure of what to say.
I understand that you have very specific desires and inquiries, and while I can't say anything helpful about dating French women (I was only in France for a few days many years ago, but I would like to go back,) I do think it's only fair that you ask yourself a few honest life questions in this process as well.
Unfortunately, hormones, strong desires, and fantasies don't pay bills, don't put a roof over your head, and won't support the family you say you so desperately just have to have right now without waiting.
So.
If you met your "blue-eyed fairy" today and got married even next year:
1. Where would you live? You said you don't have a job. Would you expect her to move in with you and your family?
While there's nothing wrong with this, you said in your post that maybe some of us don't understand because we "gave up" due to getting older. I had to smile at this. Do you know what really happened. What really happened is that we started asking ourselves, "Do we want to live in our mama's house all our lives, or do we want to have a place, and lives, of our own?"
And then we realized that we had to go out, go to school, get jobs, take on responsibilities (groceries, utilities, rent/mortgage, insurance, medical bills, cars, etc.) so that when or if we DID meet the right person, we'd have a bit more to offer them than a room right next to the one our parents are sleeping in and a trip to the family fridge as a dinner date.
I can assure you, we "old people" have plenty of fire and passion of our own, we've just learned that this alone doesn't carry one through life, or at least, not a life that has any hint of being independent.
Actually, let's back it up to the beginning: if you met your blue-eyed fairy tomorrow, how would you take her out on a date? Do you have a car to pick her up? Would you be able to pay her way, or do you expect for her to pay for herself? And in fact, without having a job, would you be able to pay for yourself (otherwise, where would you get the money? Borrow it from relatives?)
After that, there are plenty of other questions to consider even if you did get married.
2. What if you get pregnant unexpectedly, or you decide to start this family you want so badly right away? How are you going to pay for her medical costs, the birth of the baby, and then feeding and raising both her, yourself, and your new family?
3. You've mentioned raging hormones. How are you going to cope if/when your "blue-eyed fairy" can't or won't have sex with you at various stages of the morning sickness, pregnancy, birth, and recovery? What if you suffer a miscarriage or infertility issues that you don't find out about until after marriage? How would you handle that emotionally, and would you be stable enough to be a strong emotional support for her?
4. You have your sights set on a teenage girl. What if she wants to go to college and have a career? How are you going to help her pay for that, since you seem to want to have complete say and control of her life?
I know I'm mentioning a lot of things here that require money and payments -- some will use that to accuse women of being gold diggers, but in reality, it's just a matter of realizing that this is how real life goes.
Unless you're planning for you and your beloved fairy to float on a pixie dust life of depending on your families, your first priority is to figure out how you can support the life you are wanting to live for yourself, and then expand your abilities to be able to support the entire family that you say you absolutely must have right now.
Luke 14:28-29 says, "Which of you, wishing to build a tower, does not sit down and count the cost, whether he has the resources to finish it?"
You want to build a tower (a wife and family.) What skills and resources do you have in order to start working on this? What do you have to offer someone?
Along with asking how to find and date your dream fairy, you have to be asking yourself how you are going to provide a life both for yourself and for her, let alone any children in addition to that.
So sure, it's great to be doing research into how to find the girl you think you want (or that God has put on your heart,) but it's even more important to ask what needs to be done -- what education do you need, what skills do you need to build, what job do you need to have, and what money do you have to save -- in order to prepare for the day you meet her.
I know you see those of us who are answering as old and past our prime, but the thing is, many of us went through times of fantasy and thinking we just had to find our beloved prince or princess right away as well. But it didn't happen right away, and so we used that time to start making down payments on land and carriages and horses, so that now, if we do meet our own "fairy prince or princess," we have a lot more to offer than clouds of glittery dreams, such as life skills on which to build real goals and dreams, not just puffs of passionate words with nothing to back them.
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P.S. Many of us are speaking to you from hard-earned experience.
Once upon a time, we too had sparkly dreams of love and rainbows once -- and it came back to bite us in our unicorn-smitten butts.
One of the reasons we are answering your inquiries is because we are hoping that we can spare you at least some of the grief, or at least a hard life lesson chomp in the butt.
Once upon a time, we too had sparkly dreams of love and rainbows once -- and it came back to bite us in our unicorn-smitten butts.
One of the reasons we are answering your inquiries is because we are hoping that we can spare you at least some of the grief, or at least a hard life lesson chomp in the butt.
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I know this post wasn't directed at me per say, but believe me, I AM reading your posts, and part of having a two-way conversation is that both people are listening. Part of me is even wistful because I do know how it feels to feel the way you are describing.
But would you be willing to answer any of the questions I asked earlier as a sign of mutual listening?
As I reread your posts, I'm thinking of an old saying that's sad and depressing but oh-so-true: "You can wish in one hand and poop in the other -- see which hand gets filled faster."
I wasn't in France for a very long time, but two things I'll never forget are standing at the top of the Eiffel tower in amazement, and having a blast at Paris Disney for a day (it was in the fall, and I loved seeing all of their autumn decorations.)
* What would you do if your beloved tells you that she'd like for you to propose to her at the very top of the Eiffel towel, or on her favorite attraction at Paris Disney? How would you make this happen?
This is one of the benefits of getting older -- sometimes, your passion and vision only become stronger and more focused, and you learn over time how you could actually turn dreams into reality.
Now, I'm a woman, so my perspective is a little different. But I have often thought over the years of what I'd like to do for the right person if I ever met him. Years ago, I thought of things such as, if he were into sports, and if we lived near his team's hometown, I would surprise him with a ticket to a home game, or, if I worked really hard and saved up, season tickets for him and his best friend (since I'm not into sports.)
That's the difference between my own bouts of romantic flights of fancy when I was in my teens versus now -- back then, they were only dreams. But now as an adult, I know I can formulate a plan of action to make them actually happen, or at least give it my best shot in order to try.
I'm no longer living just on strong desires, no matter how urgent they may seem, but rather, a bit more life experience, skills as a means of earning and saving, and the knowledge (or mentors) with which to build a workable plan of action rather than merely writing out a fantasy. I still haven't met my supposed fairy prince, but that's ok. It just gives me time to save up to do even more for him (fulfilling more of the fantasies I've built over the years of what I'd do for the person I love), or it allows me to fulfill various other wishes for friends and family along the way.
Now, you've told us repeatedly about your fantasy.
Wouldn't it be only seem fair that you would also take the time to present your plan of action as to how you will take it from just a fantasy to beginning to build a foundation within the parameters of reality?
But would you be willing to answer any of the questions I asked earlier as a sign of mutual listening?
As I reread your posts, I'm thinking of an old saying that's sad and depressing but oh-so-true: "You can wish in one hand and poop in the other -- see which hand gets filled faster."
I wasn't in France for a very long time, but two things I'll never forget are standing at the top of the Eiffel tower in amazement, and having a blast at Paris Disney for a day (it was in the fall, and I loved seeing all of their autumn decorations.)
* What would you do if your beloved tells you that she'd like for you to propose to her at the very top of the Eiffel towel, or on her favorite attraction at Paris Disney? How would you make this happen?
This is one of the benefits of getting older -- sometimes, your passion and vision only become stronger and more focused, and you learn over time how you could actually turn dreams into reality.
Now, I'm a woman, so my perspective is a little different. But I have often thought over the years of what I'd like to do for the right person if I ever met him. Years ago, I thought of things such as, if he were into sports, and if we lived near his team's hometown, I would surprise him with a ticket to a home game, or, if I worked really hard and saved up, season tickets for him and his best friend (since I'm not into sports.)
That's the difference between my own bouts of romantic flights of fancy when I was in my teens versus now -- back then, they were only dreams. But now as an adult, I know I can formulate a plan of action to make them actually happen, or at least give it my best shot in order to try.
I'm no longer living just on strong desires, no matter how urgent they may seem, but rather, a bit more life experience, skills as a means of earning and saving, and the knowledge (or mentors) with which to build a workable plan of action rather than merely writing out a fantasy. I still haven't met my supposed fairy prince, but that's ok. It just gives me time to save up to do even more for him (fulfilling more of the fantasies I've built over the years of what I'd do for the person I love), or it allows me to fulfill various other wishes for friends and family along the way.
Now, you've told us repeatedly about your fantasy.
Wouldn't it be only seem fair that you would also take the time to present your plan of action as to how you will take it from just a fantasy to beginning to build a foundation within the parameters of reality?
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But what makes you think that abusing your flesh for pleasure is not bad? Yes, it feels good and many do it even myself but I want to quit it because it's a worldly, gross insult to the most erotic gift of marriage that only leads to selfishness & problems with relationships. It's an horrific form of self-worship, when you do that you are dedicating the exciting love and passion God has given you to consummate with your wife (or future wife) to your own lust and fantasies & leaving her (or the future her) devoid of the love and passion God asked you to give her. This goes for both men and women, they should both use their flesh exclusively to fulfill their spouses (or future spouses), because when they satisfy their spouses, they are satisfying God. But when they satisfy themselves, they are depriving God from the love and passion He gave them, they are neglecting their spouses (or future spouses) and rejecting them the love and passion God has designed to fulfill them, and when one neglects his or her spouse, this one is neglecting God and therefore rejecting God. If you don't have a spouse, abstain from using your love and passion at all until you get married. If you will not get married, abstain from using your love and passion at all nevertheless so that you can return these to God when you leave this life. Ok, I'm not following these rules yet but I really want to, and I pray to God for forgiveness & help everytime I fail. We should all remember (including myself) that our bodies are temples of God and that we shouldn't give them to Satan.
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sins a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I should be the first to remember this.
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sins a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I should be the first to remember this.
I never said it was a good thing; I was just saying that that wasn't what the story of Onan was about and using it to condemn such practices isn't a proper use of scripture. I'll be the first to say that wanting to stop pleasuring yourself is a good and honorable goal. Beyond that I think I have said before I have enough suspicion that the motivations and mechanisms of such temptations differ between men and women enough that I'm going to leave it to the other guys to counsel you further along those lines.
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How ironic that you would write this as a reply to me today, lol.
Today is actually what would have been an extremely significant day in my formerly married life, but my then-husband left because he decided he would rather be with someone else.
So yes, French, I have had a bit of experience living as both married and then forced into singleness, and I am most certainly not forgetting the pros and cons of each way of life. I'm not an expert, but I am someone who has been on both sides of the coin.
What strikes me about your posts is that you keep speaking to your audience as if they know nothing absolutely nothing, but yet want them to indulge and encourage your fantasies.
I'm actually hoping though that you will stick around here with us for some time. I would love to see where your journey takes you in the next several years, and would be interested in hearing what happens along the way.
You have a clear vision of what you want your story to be, as many of us did at one time as well.
I would like to know someday what your actual reality becomes, and what you choose to do if it doesn't go the way you planned.
What would be even more interesting is the day you come across someone who is then telling you the same things you are saying to us right now, and what advice you would give them.
Today is actually what would have been an extremely significant day in my formerly married life, but my then-husband left because he decided he would rather be with someone else.
So yes, French, I have had a bit of experience living as both married and then forced into singleness, and I am most certainly not forgetting the pros and cons of each way of life. I'm not an expert, but I am someone who has been on both sides of the coin.
What strikes me about your posts is that you keep speaking to your audience as if they know nothing absolutely nothing, but yet want them to indulge and encourage your fantasies.
I'm actually hoping though that you will stick around here with us for some time. I would love to see where your journey takes you in the next several years, and would be interested in hearing what happens along the way.
You have a clear vision of what you want your story to be, as many of us did at one time as well.
I would like to know someday what your actual reality becomes, and what you choose to do if it doesn't go the way you planned.
What would be even more interesting is the day you come across someone who is then telling you the same things you are saying to us right now, and what advice you would give them.
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But... you didn't address ANY of the points seoulsearch asked about.
This is not going anywhere because you never address what we're saying. You just keep kvetching.
I leave you with a quote from somebody wiser than I: "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." You will never have the life you are trying to imagine for yourself, but if you are willing to take life as it comes and deal with it you might just have a pretty good life anyway.
If you keep your life on hold until you get the life of your dreams... you'll waste it all with dreaming.
Goodbye and good luck.
This is not going anywhere because you never address what we're saying. You just keep kvetching.
I leave you with a quote from somebody wiser than I: "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." You will never have the life you are trying to imagine for yourself, but if you are willing to take life as it comes and deal with it you might just have a pretty good life anyway.
If you keep your life on hold until you get the life of your dreams... you'll waste it all with dreaming.
Goodbye and good luck.
Asking for a friend...how does one get on the mailing list for young, innocent, beautiful Christian French girls?
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