Does Romantic Love Cure Depression, Alcoholism/Drugs, Porn/Sex (Put Your Vice Here) Addiction?

[Tinkerbell725]

Only Jesus can fix our brokenness. But this song is soothing to the ears. I posted this on the other thread but it is more appropriate here. We are all fighting our own battle and we are not in the position to fix others for we are all broken. Some people don't even want to be fixed. Relationships can both heal and destroy depending on your purpose. If your goal is to nurture and give then there is hope for healing but if you only want to take something from the other and drain the other like a vampire then it is bound to fail and destroy both people.

 

[Lanolin]

some self-help books that may shed some light onnthe problem

she is not your rehab

a man is not a financial plan

Women who love too much

as for Jesus, He is not a fixer. Jesus gave up carpentering. He gave his very LIFE for us, and was nailed to the cross, with blood dripping down out of his hands and feet, for our sins.
He put sin to death.

That relationship though is not a fleshly one. You have to understand that, for us to live, someone had to die. Jesus was the sacrifice.

He came to life again. How many of US are prepared to die for someone else. I would say not many. That is not romantic love. That is sacrificial love. Jesus is the only name by which anyone is saved.

if someone has problems with depression, alcoholism, porn, sex, addiction nobody is going to get out of those things alive. Either you will die of it or your spouse will die, unless you take it up with Jesus.

Im just being totally honest with you. that stuff takes the BLOOD of the lamb and it will not go away by itself with a few hugs and kisses from a romance.

 

[1ofthem]

I have no doubts that in some cases, the right Christian partner is a wonderful asset and could help a person get better.

In my own experience though (and I'm certainly not saying it counts more than anyone else's, just food for thought,) I have been surrounded by people who took on relationships in which they thought they could "help" or "love" the other person well, and it was a disaster.

I also think that with all the fictionalized dramas we see in entertainment (including Christian movies and TV, where God always seems to come through with some kind of one-in-a-million breakthrough,) many people tend to gloss over the bad and concentrate on the happy couple singing joyfully at church during the final shot.

I once knew a pastor who had a lifelong battle with alcohol, and one of the things he put his wife through was smashing a mirror in a drunken rage and then gashing his wrists with the broken shards. Imagine being his wife and having to try to nurse him through all of these episodes (as they happened regularly) for several decades while basically raising your children as a single parent, because he obviously can't help out. (And this is not to put everything on the men -- I've known several men with addicted wives as well.)

But when we think about romantic love, we're not thinking about this. We're eagerly romanticizing the good times and how much a partner can "help" us, rather than the utter hell that is going to break loose along the way.

My own experience in a relationship with an alcoholic resulted in him becoming much, much worse, because help only enabled him, allowing him to nurse his addictions all the more. When I met him, he was working full time, but as I did more and more, he eventually quit working altogether to take up drinking full time instead. The babysitter would call me and tell me to pick up his kids because he had called her in the midst of as slurring stupor. He wound up in the hospital because he was taking over the counter drugs (like sleeping pills,) while washing them down with two pints of alcohol. Every single day.

This thread is for the sharing of experiences in the hopes that we can all learn and grow.

As for myself, I have only seemed to find a lot more of the same -- men who are attracted to me because I'm not a drinker, I don't smoke, and I've never touched drugs (out of fear, not self-righteousness,) and so they think, "Ah, a clean Christian girl. She'll be perfect to take care of me and help support me with my issues."

Oh, I wind up supporting them all right. You'd think I would have learned my lesson after I paid for his babysitting costs and a first and second round of legal bills that were all being caused by his drinking. I just thank God I didn't marry him (because he was asking) so that I could get out of that relationship (but nearly needed a restraining order to do so, as he kept showing up everywhere I was.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who feel they can take on such weighty problems -- God bless them, because He knows they are going to need it -- but as for myself, if given a choice, I will always opt for a lonely but quiet space of my own rather than an avalanche of someone else's issues that they have not dealt with in addition to the things I'm fighting within myself.

(Which brings us to another topic for another time -- the issues we deal with ourselves and how much should we expect a partner to shoulder from us.)

I do think God is truly the only cure all and he must be put first.

Everyone has different experiences, I'm sure.


I have had some similar experiences to you, as well. Seems most guys, even the bad boys, want a good girl. Well in theory anyhow.
I've been there holding out all hope that I could help a 'bad boy' change his life around. Never happened that way for me, though. And I have truly experienced the hell of situations like you spoke off. Believe me I have learned my lessons the hard way.

But I have saw where God has joined two people together to support each other and have indeed helped each other, as well.

I really like the way @GaryA put it:

Getting married is never the right answer to solving problems. Instead, getting married is for having a close trusted companion to share life with - encouraging each other to enjoy the "highs" of life - together - and, to work through the "lows" of life - together.

 

[1ofthem]

I agree. Having a spouse is not a cure for anything in particular; however, (I believe) "the right spouse" could/would provide a means of adding a good measure of encouragement and accountability in a way that cannot be had in any other way.

I'm not saying that non-marital relationships cannot provide a measure of encouragement and accountability - they can - it just seems that a good relationship with a compatible companion would provide for those things in the best possible way.

Of course, it depends on the circumstances of the situation. In some cases, a simple-but-good dose of reality - not a spouse - is what is needed and required.

Getting married is never the right answer to solving problems. Instead, getting married is for having a close trusted companion to share life with - encouraging each other to enjoy the "highs" of life - together - and, to work through the "lows" of life - together.

The difference between being single and being married is the "built-in" support system that exists in marriage that cannot be had - to the same degree and extent - as when you are single.

Awesome post. Completely agree.

 

[SomeDisciple]

If a guy is reading a novel there might be SOME romance in it but there has to be some violence or maybe a murder to spice it up, men just wont read straight romance. Romeo and Juliet is acceptable, but Mills and Boon is not.

Who wants to be smothered in all that emotional nonsense? If there is emotions it has to be shrouded by sensual stimulation- we need explosions and action! I don't know if I'd even be saved if Jesus was just like "love one another" without getting scourged, crucified, and then stabbed with a spear.

Romance is never going to be able to do what brotherly love is supposed to do. I don't think romance really "cures" those things, you can substitute romance in for them- because it's an arousing, addicting thing like drugs, et al. But it's not a permanent solution.

 

[Dino246]

The only "problem" that marriage "cures" is singleness.

Yeah, I know, some of you are going to bark that singleness isn't a problem that needs curing at all....

It is said that men marry women hoping they won't change, that women marry men hoping that they will, and that both are disappointed. In reality, people change when they are desperate, and the good stuff that marriage brings doesn't normally lead people to desperation. In contrast, it is more commonly the desire to preserve a strained marriage (or heal from a broken one) that provides the impetus for positive change.

You bring all of yourself into a marriage: your good qualities and habits, and your bad ones. Too few of us are prepared adequately to deal with the bad that we (let alone our partner!) drag in with us. Even fewer have the blessing to actually deal with most of the c**p prior to marriage. However, it is also said that God's design in marriage is not (necessarily) to make us happy, but to make us holy. Would that we actually submit to the process and love each other through it.

 

[love_comes_softly]

Only the Lord can cure addictions of any type. However, it is very possible that love, His love shown through others, is powerful enough for someone to be “cured”/healed of their addictions entirely.

I don’t believe this always happens or that it even happens for a majority of us that have addictions, but I have known people to change in miraculous ways. They (those I’ve known to change in this way) have been influenced by others so strongly, through God’s love, both in and outside of marriage, that they truly change/are healed.

I don’t believe it is wise to expect for anyone to change by/through loving them. The Lord does that work for them in His timing. It’s very important to seek the Lord when it comes to relationships and it’s important that we understand we aren't the healers, God is.

 

[Lanolin]

funny went to a book thing the other night and one of the free books in the goodie bag was a romeo and juliet retelling updated to 1920s shanghai. Called These Violent Delights.

You do know, in the end, both star crossed lovers died right? So maybe they were cured, when the couple died as the warring families were so heartbroken over their deaths that they stopped fighting. Happy ending after all?

 

[Deade]

I chose this one:
Improvement is up to the individual, regardless of relationship status.
We first must learn to live with ourselves and fit into our communities before we can take an active lead of a family. That said: It is still expedient to have a helpmeet to bear some of the load.

I had two marriages that lasted 16 and 20 years, respectively. You might say they were successful. But, being a creature of habit, I let my old habit of not trying to resolve any differences take over during disagreement.

After so much time and unresolved policies, you just grow apart. I was Christian during my second divorce, but had to let her go for her to get on Medicare. My income was blocking her from getting any medical help. After she left, she said she felt the marriage was loveless. I didn't then, but I see now what her issues were.

 

[tourist]

I chose this one:
Improvement is up to the individual, regardless of relationship status.
We first must learn to live with ourselves and fit into our communities before we can take an active lead of a family. That said: It is still expedient to have a helpmeet to bear some of the load.

I had two marriages that lasted 16 and 20 years, respectively. You might say they were successful. But, being a creature of habit, I let my old habit of not trying to resolve any differences take over during disagreement.

After so much time and unresolved policies, you just grow apart. I was Christian during my second divorce, but had to let her go for her to get on Medicare. My income was blocking her from getting any medical help. After she left, she said she felt the marriage was loveless. I didn't then, but I see now what her issues were. View attachment 230124

First marriage - 6 years 6 months (divorce), Second marriage 11 years 2 months (death), Third marriage 6 years 8 months (current).

First marriage was a disaster, second was hard but successful, third (and last) successful to date and satisfying.

There will not be a fourth.

 

[JohnDB]

Vice and Christianity are mutually exclusive. They just are.
Many of the vices listed are life defining vices.
Christianity is also life defining.

Marriage is in part giving of yourself and serving a spouse. And many of these life defining vices consume every aspect of a person's identity...or are symptoms of a personal flaw that makes them unfit for a happy, whole life they can offer to another.

Not every vice is life defining...and everyone is flawed in some fashion.

A career can be every bit as life defining as a vice. Especially many of the professional careers (doctor, lawyer, schoolteacher, and etc) Very often spouses don't understand until it's too late that for those consumed by their careers they are getting the leftovers of a person who is consumed by a career. (And it truly can be any career or hobby) This is where the trouble comes in.

Vices are usually very self destructive behaviors. Vices destroy the person who owns them until they are owned by the vice.

And if you are also interested in becoming a slave to a self destructive behavior...then by all means get married to a vice....I mean person who has a vice. But don't complain when that vice destroys your life and it begins to cause pain in your life. Fleas come with the dog.

Marriage is all about giving. A man gives of himself to a wife and a woman gives of herself to her husband...both physical and otherwise. Together if their goal is to serve God in priority over everything else using their own unique talents then there's a huge chance they are going to be happy.

 

[Lanolin]

Christians arent mean to have 'careers' they are meant to have vocations or callings. i,e what God has called them to do. They may involve staying single, or being married. It depends.

I find the whole thing about individual careers as hollow. Many husband and wives will work as a TEAM, like they will both do a work TOGETHER though they have different roles.

I find the whole separate jobs and separate workplaces a bit silly. If you are married why would you go off and work in two totally opposing roles. What would even be the point. Unless there is agreement of what takes priority and what both of you are willing to support.

 

[Lanolin]

school teachers tend to marry each other, doctors not so much, lawyers partner up with each other.

Personally not sure why anyone would really WANT to be a lawyer lol. Jesus wasnt a fan of them. They will always find some loophole of why some people are allowed to do this and some are not.

 

[Lanolin]

oh actually, I had a high school friend whos parents both of them were doctors and they practised in the same surgery.

She was a bit of a hypochondriac I recall. It was perhaps the only way she could get their attention.

 

[Oncefallen]

Dang nab it.

I accidentally hit the Post button too early, and the poll isn't allowing for multiple choice.

I believe I fixed it.

 

[seoulsearch]

I believe I fixed it.

Many thanks for all you do for us here, Once fallen! 🌻

 

[Lanolin]

ok seoul
I have the perfect novel for you..to be made into a tv series soon

Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarity

Its about 9 people who go to his remote health resort in Australia to get over their addictions, depressions, vices etc.
They go on this 10 day retreat and are promised to be cured or totally transformed by the end of it. One of the first characters is of course, a single, aging ROMANCE writer.

This book you may want to throw against the wall because its kinda like escape room/ charlie and the chocolate factory in reverse. Nobody is allowed chocolate. I was betting the romance writer would met the man of her dreams (has to be the person she HATES at the beginning of the book) but I will let you read it and figure this mad plot out for yourself.

 

[StreetPreacher]

Galatians 5:16-25


16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lust against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

 

[mindfulzen]

Hey Everyone,

This thread is inspired by another ongoing thread here, but the topic comes up frequently here in Singles.

Many singles think that whatever they're struggling with will get better or even disappear altogether "if only" they found their "one true love," their "soul mate," their absolute dream person from God who is going to be the total game changer -- or so they think.

Now, I am definitely not trying to say that this can't or doesn't happen.

I'm just interested in what others have observed regarding this topic. If you think about the people in your life -- it could be you, a friend, a relative, a parent, a step-parent, a church member, a co-worker -- have any of them believed that a Godly, loving relationship or marriage would make all their issues get better or go away? So what actually happened when they did find love?

Don't limit the list of possible problems to the ones in just the title -- it could be video games, food, loneliness, insecurities, addiction to work -- anything that is interfering with your life, is causing you distress, or is causing you to live a lesser quality of life because of your inability to resist or avoid the issue, whatever it may be. It could be something you once chose on your own, or something you had no power against but yet you have to deal with it now on a regular basis.

Most Christian singles seem to believe that a Christ-centered marriage will conquer everything. But what have you actually experienced and observed in your everyday life? One thing that always perplexes me is how far reality can be from our ideals, and we often find this out much too late. What can we do to prevent this?

*Of the people you can think of who thought a romantic relationship would improve their state -- did things get better, worse, or stay the same?

* Why do you think that is, especially if both people involved were Christians?

Please note that I see this question as having no "right" or "wrong" answers -- the only thing I'm really after is how people's realities have played out vs. the ideals they once held (and acted upon.)

I have included an anonymous, multiple-choice poll because I'm really interested in hearing people's thoughts and observations about this. And if there is enough interest, I may repeat this thread and poll in the Family Forum in order to get answers from our married friends who can speak from experience.

Thank you for sharing your dose of reality with us today!

Yes, I do believe love can cure some of that. Not that I agree with all being problems that need fixing either. It did cure depression for me as long as I felt the love was true and possibly could last forever. Sexual attraction lead us together and sex bound us together, huge component, so cannot call it a problem. Apart from her needing it 5 times a day.

I was not addicted to anything apart from smoking hash almost daily, if not daily. She cured that for a period, but not right away. So that is possible, but that was mostly from living in the bed, for weeks, only getting up to eat and rest a bit in the sofa or the garden. And walking the dog, and if her kids were home or not. Drinking too much and doing some other drugs, really became a problem, because of the relationship, after doing some recreational drugs through bad friends. Which culminated into addiction because of unfaithfulness.

Food got much better when in love, went from malnourished with spaghettiarms and legs to very fit aesteticwise. Got me to train. Lost insecurities. And many other stuff. But losing depression and some other addictions, like too much gaming, too much politics, to much debate, too much anger, and fears, was cured for me by faith. I was not depressed when I was in love with her, but I never quit antidepressants anyway. .

 

[Lynx]

Galatians 5:16-25


16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lust against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

This is true, but it has nothing to do with the question of this thread.

Do you have an answer to the questions posed in the opening post?