Online long distance relationships - the pros and cons

[Robertt]

I'm praying for you and I'm sure others here are praying for you as well. This is just kind of an awkward thread to reply on, but so be it....lol

I am praying that the Lord sends His drawing and convicting Spirit your way. And if he does or already has, I am praying that you will recognize it, and humble yourself under his mighty hand, and accept his forgiveness and salvation in your life.

Truth is most of us have lived a life of regrets and mistakes before coming to the Lord. God is forgiving, merciful, and graceful to forgive us if we ask him in faith.

I'm praying that the Lord saves you and that you learn of him and form a relationship with him first and foremost. So that his perfect will can be done in your life whatever that may be.

Thankyou . Will await

 

[DuchessAimee]

 

[Lynx]

View attachment 245948

I think they call that addiction.

"Okay I got it figured out THIS time. I know exactly how I can do it without suffering the consequences. This will be nothing like the last 38 times."

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Welp guys and gals it does get better. I remember giving him space when we were together and that meant it was space for myself too and I felt at peace. No knots in my stomach, no churning no flips or somersaults during our times apart. When I returned I began to get sick.
Now 2 weeks later of starting this thread its almost a daily feeling of stillness and amazement that there was an attraction at all. I think it was the offer of bible study that I was attracted to tbh. Anyway, for those who are going through a break up/ divorce/separation now...give yourself space to just breathe. Its really all you can do in the aftermath.

 

[tourist]

Anyway, for those who are going through a break up/ divorce/separation now...give yourself space to just breathe. Its really all you can do in the aftermath.

After my divorce after 6 1/2 years of physical and verbal abuse my breathing space was 18 years duration. Hopefully, yours will be much shorter than mine. I feel real bad for you and will say a prayer for God to provide comfort, peace of mind, and a certain measure of joy in your heart.

 

[Lanolin]

offer of bible study?
But thats what the Bible Discussion Forum is for!

Or is that now a dating site too? ?!

 

[Lynx]

offer of bible study?
But thats what the Bible Discussion Forum is for!

Or is that now a dating site too? ?!

Either would be preferable to reality.

What it has really turned into is a place to put other people down to feel better about yourself.

 

[tourist]

offer of bible study?
But thats what the Bible Discussion Forum is for!

Or is that now a dating site too? ?!

No, the BDF is not a dating site, that honor goes to the Single Forum.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

After my divorce after 6 1/2 years of physical and verbal abuse my breathing space was 18 years duration. Hopefully, yours will be much shorter than mine. I feel real bad for you and will say a prayer for God to provide comfort, peace of mind, and a certain measure of joy in your heart.

I already have comfort, peace of mind and joy in my heart from getting to know Christ more and more. Jesus never left me throughout it. And like another member said, I dodged a bullet. It would have been worse if we met. But I have many things to be thankful to God for that keep me busy...a loyal family, a job I love and volunteer work that fulfils my spirit. 18 years is a long time to have breathing space but I have to believe like some others do here that God uses the bad things for His purpose. Life is full of lessons and Im here for it But thank you, I actually believe you wrote that not to get clout here but from a place of compassion. God bless.

 

[JesusLives]

Let's just say that the current situation with her is complicated. Since I have been back in the USA (about 2 months) she has wanted me back and broken up with me again three times. I'm at the point where I am just like "Okay go for it." It feels like the nerve endings of my feelings have been cauterized with hot iron and all that remains is thick-skinned scar tissue. I am desensitized to it all at this point.

Might return to VN some day, might not. Depends on a number of factors. I am not currently teaching, but may do that online soon. I have a clear, smooth, voice and easy-to-understand accent and non-native English speakers really like that because they need an example of a voice copy as they practice speaking.

I don't know why I still love her to be honest. It isn't logical, that's for sure, and I normally operate within logic. I haven't ruled out that I just need my heart broken severely several times until I am completely desensitized. Sometimes God needs people to reach a broken point if it serves a greater good. Her family loves me and everything, but wants me to learn Vietnamese. They don't have a problem with me not being the same race as her. I don't know much of the VNese language.

I don't know for sure if her behavior is normal or not. I was her first serious bf so I don't know where these ideas came from. I guess they came from her family, friends, or culture. In public other couples seemed normal and that makes sense, if there is anything like what I experienced it probably just happens at their home. I learned to ask fewer questions. Asking questions seemed to often be viewed as having an ulterior motive or implying disagreement.

Anyway, just going with the flow at this point.

Don't know if this will help or not, but my first husband and I would get together and break up multiple times and we still ended up getting married. My personal advice to you would be don't do it. If you are doing this now there is a reason it is really a prewarning trying to tell you things won't work. We were married for a little over 6 years but it was wasted time in my opinion and I was so hurt by it that I didn't get married again for 35 years.

With about 8 billion people on this planet there is someone out there who would match with you much better because I can tell you from experience when you find the right person you fit together and feel comfortable with each other and thank God for each other. My advice to you would be pray about your situation and ask God to lead you to your match. If you continue in this relationship you will probably end up like I did wasted time and hurt. God bless in your life choices.

 

[Runningman]

Don't know if this will help or not, but my first husband and I would get together and break up multiple times and we still ended up getting married. My personal advice to you would be don't do it. If you are doing this now there is a reason it is really a prewarning trying to tell you things won't work. We were married for a little over 6 years but it was wasted time in my opinion and I was so hurt by it that I didn't get married again for 35 years.

With about 8 billion people on this planet there is someone out there who would match with you much better because I can tell you from experience when you find the right person you fit together and feel comfortable with each other and thank God for each other. My advice to you would be pray about your situation and ask God to lead you to your match. If you continue in this relationship you will probably end up like I did wasted time and hurt. God bless in your life choices.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. Yesterday I was just telling a friend of mine that it is better to learn from the experience and mistakes of others than to have to go through difficult things ourselves. So thanks I appreciate that and I will definitely take your advice to heart. I agree with everything you're saying.

 

[JesusLives]

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. Yesterday I was just telling a friend of mine that it is better to learn from the experience and mistakes of others than to have to go through difficult things ourselves. So thanks I appreciate that and I will definitely take your advice to heart. I agree with everything you're saying.

I really try and help my daughter so she won't make the same mistakes I did and if this will help you then it's worth it. People who break up and get together over and over again it's really not a good thing. Listen to your heart and that little voice inside it's not wrong. I have found when I don't listen I end up paying for it or saying to myself I should have listened... God bless you.

 

[listenyoumustAll]

Pros- Finding friendship which blossoms into a deeper love where a future is discussed and plans to meet in Jan 2023 are planned. You won me over in the period where we laughed loved played and talked about a life together. The day you said you wanted to be with me made me so happy.

Cons - Finding out it was a big lie. You said you were different, I thought you were someone special I could trust and open my heart to. So I showed you my vulnerable side and invited you into my life. I invested 4 months into you, into us. I have loved you when you complained nobody did. I have appreciated your friendship when you complained you had no friends. I prayed for your health your work your church your family your social life. I prayed for our relationship with each other and with God, I spent countless hours learning about autism to understand you better. I prayed for our bible study, even my child prayed for you. Is that not moral support? Is that not love?
Only to feel used by you as you responded by distancing yourself, going from voice calls to only texting, being short with me for no reason, returning to cc to look for female attention....all the while reassuring me about our relationship. This hot/cold thing you did with me, dangling the carrot then pulling it away from me was just cruel.

Ive asked you several times what can I do to fix me/ this besides prayer. You have given reasons for your behaviour such as autism or God or its me. Few times you said its you but then you kinda shrug and say leave it to God. Like as if God has to do all the work in relationships?
Now you can add alcohol to your list of excuses. I have given you all the attention you wanted and also given you space when you needed it. To the point my mental health was low and you never asked how I was.
A couple weeks ago you said you still coming to NZ. A few days ago I ask if you are playing games. You remind me again you dont play games. Yesterday I ask about the flight to NZ. Today I get your text because you wont talk to me, saying you have physically cheated on me with another woman blaming alcohol. Your text was pretty insensitive and read like you wrote it to hurt me deeply. Makes no sense a few days ago texting you love and care for me then cheating on me?

You wouldnt tell me what I did wrong so Im left to guess. Id rather you say Im too old/fat/ugly then find out that my love for you just wasnt enough. Finding out you cheated and then coming to cc to read posts where you brag about you are waiting for your date and seeing it timestamped as earlier than your confession is designed to mind eff with me. Im a real person, Im not just words on a screen.

And to read your other posts where you pretend you know of love and love languages and relationships. Your public answers dont align with your private behaviour. You have turned me off christian men and online relationships. You won Robertt. Well played.
From not a woman scorned but a woman fore warned.

You can still find love my friend .evil doers everywhere ,so long distance and some close .same as love can be found . I pray you receive more discernment In Jesus name .
God bless

 

[Lynx]

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. Yesterday I was just telling a friend of mine that it is better to learn from the experience and mistakes of others than to have to go through difficult things ourselves. So thanks I appreciate that and I will definitely take your advice to heart. I agree with everything you're saying.

That is one of the maxims I live by. "Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll never have enough time in one life to make them all yourself."

 

[G00WZ]

Welp guys and gals it does get better. I remember giving him space when we were together and that meant it was space for myself too and I felt at peace. No knots in my stomach, no churning no flips or somersaults during our times apart. When I returned I began to get sick.
Now 2 weeks later of starting this thread its almost a daily feeling of stillness and amazement that there was an attraction at all. I think it was the offer of bible study that I was attracted to tbh. Anyway, for those who are going through a break up/ divorce/separation now...give yourself space to just breathe. Its really all you can do in the aftermath.

Yeah i was actually going to post on this a week ago but i figured it would resolve itself in time, that plus i didn't want to contribute to any of the negativity.
Im glad you feel peace now, you never really truly can appreciate what you have till it's gone or until you realize that someone else is sucking it out of you.... Some people don't care though they would throw away peace just for a relationship. The trick now is to have the peace already established and see if the next relationship you get into adds to it because if it doesn't toss it out and be like "NOPE".

 

[Lanolin]

confused. I thought singles was where you talked about the Bible and Bible Discussion forum was where you talked about being single. Because the invite to Bible study is secret code for...I want a date with you. ?

 

[Lanolin]

How about short distance relationships..like your next door neighbour. Why arent you going with him?

 

[Sculpt]

confused. I thought singles was where you talked about the Bible and Bible Discussion forum was where you talked about being single. Because the invite to Bible study is secret code for...I want a date with you. ?

Is that why you drop logic bombs in the Bible D forum? To stop all that nonsense going on. = p

I looked at the Bible D forum and they talk about predestination and the flat earth... didn't see any dating.

Not sure how you start a bible study with someone, you know the nuts & bolts of it. Want to add that to my Cupid quiver. Maybe someone helpful can fill me in. Asking someone to watch the submarine races seems to have lost popularity... Hey, maybe we can start the Submarine Races Forum?!

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Yeah i was actually going to post on this a week ago but i figured it would resolve itself in time, that plus i didn't want to contribute to any of the negativity.
Im glad you feel peace now, you never really truly can appreciate what you have till it's gone or until you realize that someone else is sucking it out of you.... Some people don't care though they would throw away peace just for a relationship. The trick now is to have the peace already established and see if the next relationship you get into adds to it because if it doesn't toss it out and be like "NOPE".

Negativity always comes with break ups. One side will be appalled at his behaviour, the other side will be appalled that I outed him. Ironically they are the same people that he told me would attack him on this forum in other threads. Some people found it very uncomfortable I outed him but I dont care about their sensitivity. When you make a mistake, a big mistake the people around you should know, so you get the right support for it and not a bandaid to cover it up in the interim and a lets not talk about it attitude. I also think the thread was perhaps different in that there were two sides that could vent instead of the usual one sided relational or hypothetical thread. Anyway GOOWZ you are 100% correct as usual!! Thank you for your solid advice!! God bless!

 

[1ofthem]

Negativity always comes with break ups. One side will be appalled at his behaviour, the other side will be appalled that I outed him. Ironically they are the same people that he told me would attack him on this forum in other threads. Some people found it very uncomfortable I outed him but I dont care about their sensitivity. When you make a mistake, a big mistake the people around you should know, so you get the right support for it and not a bandaid to cover it up in the interim and a lets not talk about it attitude. I also think the thread was perhaps different in that there were two sides that could vent instead of the usual one sided relational or hypothetical thread. Anyway GOOWZ you are 100% correct as usual!! Thank you for your solid advice!! God bless!

Okay, I guess, I'll reply.

Just trying to see if you would settle down a little before I did. Guess, that ain't happening.

Like I said before, relationships can be difficult and messy and yes, they can cause heartbreak. I am sorry for your heartbreak. However, in my opinion you have taken this a little past the point of too far.

You were in an online relationship with a guy for 4 months. It wasn't like you were married for years and had kids together, and then he cheated on you. Anyhow, you know it wasn't the Lord's will now. So don't you think it's a good thing that it happened now rather than later. You dodged the bullet and was saved from investing yourself any further into a relationship that wasn't the will of God and wasn't going to work.


And yes, to be honest... I thought it was pretty bad how you posted so many details of what happened and then called him out by name. You are making yourself look like a woman scorned. BTW, I'm not a guy. I'm a gal, and honestly most women would agree with me on this.

Main thing is the guy is not saved. We should pray for his soul and that should be the first thing that we as Christians do. I'm surprised that more people on this site didn't respond to him by trying to witness to him.


Anyways, I didn't want to have to be so brutally honest with you, but there are too many folks on here trying to console you by offering sweet words and letting this non-sense just go.

We as Christians should be more concerned with witnessing to others in hopes that their soul will be saved. Hell is real, and we all should be more concerned for a lost soul than we are about wrongdoing in a relationship. And then playing the victim in public just for sympathy.

So still the only real advice I can offer you is to go read my first post to you and learn to take things to the Lord and seek his will. We have all made mistakes in life that goes double for me, but we have to be willing to honestly assess our own shortcomings and not try to throw all the blame on someone else. If we don't realize our own faults, then we will never learn.


Again, I hate to be so blunt, but it is what it is.