Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

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gypsygirl

Senior Member
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
The OP sounds like the typical princess attitude. 'All us women are right and Godly and ready. You lousy men need to change'. Same crappy, hypocritical message as always.

i am sorry, but i didn't think she sounded "princess" or was outright hypocrisy.

instead, she sounded frustrated with her current state of affairs, and maybe focusing on the guys she sees who aren't really stepping up, because that's her perceived source of problem. we're all guilty of lumping somebody into a label or group sometimes, not unlike you did, when you referred to her as "[another] typical princess attitude".

anyway, i think there are a lot of threads that seem to focus on one gender, and it appears to be borne out of frustration. however, i would love to see less gender-specific threads and more threads focusing on issues and behavior. to me, that would be a more helpful and would be better received.

nobody seems to respond well to a thread that is founded on the presupposition that your entire gender is mostly guilty of a behavior or failing.

also, i am really, REALLY tired of people tromping on threads, insisting that everyone is guilty of something simply because one denies or disagrees with a poster (or is indicted for failing to agree with said poster). just because you feel strongly about your views doesn't entitle you to name call or pretend that self-righteous (and misled) ire can be an appropriate reaction to disagreement.

those are my proposed "cc new year resolutions".

 
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A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
I never saw a single example where anyone in this entire thread up to this point asserted that foreign women are inherently better than American women.

Speaking for myself, what I did was respond to the question you asked in your initial post regarding why Christian men are passive and not "stepping up" and supported my answer with relevant statistics and studies. Go reread my posts.

Obviously, the answer is wildly unpopular with Western women who choose to disregard it, block it out, ignore it, deny it, and attack the messengers but this doesn't change the answer.

Increasingly, men are stepping back (including Christian men) and finding alternatives to putting themselves in an anti-male feminist bear trap that has the power to seriously injure their lives for one to two decades (or more if lifetime alimony is awarded and they lose their job/income [go directly to jail]) if it snaps shut on them which it does close to fifty percent of the time the first time up the aisle.

For the non-Christian/non-religious, they simply cohabitate or have casual sex with women and increasingly with birth control. Consider that 7% of men aged 15–44 have had a vasectomy (2013, Fertility and Sterility, 99:1880–1885) and most of the rest of those having causal sex with women instead of cohabitating with one outside of marriage use condoms consistently. Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free. The rest have retreated into pornography and masturbation where they feel safe and don't have to bother with the considerable risks that empowered feminists and the system they created pose to their lives.

And young men are the ones stepping back not up from courtship and marriage the most. You have to understand the magnitude. Young men aged 25-34 are six times less likely to be married than the same age group was in 1970 and the trend continues to accelerate.

And does so in the face of a wall of denial from women, liberal men, and many evangelical Christians. In fact, it's this denial that ensures the problem won't turn around moving forward. If women, liberal men, and many evangelical Christians actually accepted the reality of what was happening and why, they would finally be in a position to work together to correct it and if successful; things would eventually normalize.

But that's obviously not going to happen. Look at the posts in this thread. They are pure denial which means nothing's going to change whatsoever. Period. Which means a generation from now only about one-quarter to one-third of young American males will bother with marriage anymore. It's been loaded with a thousand pounds of feminist baggage over the past forty years and they don't want to carry a thousand pounds of liability. And the culture drifted; societally, they no longer have to.



^ Why won't men step up? Gee, this might have something to do with it.

Thank's, Shoyru.

View attachment 94309

It crossed the line for me when people started talking about how foreign women are better than American woman. The inappropriateness was palpable.
 
Feb 21, 2012
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I think many Christian men felt like they were getting mixed confusing signals from what they perceive as the female collective voice.
(Yes I know all women don't speak the same thing.)
We heard these mantras the most...

"Treat us like equals."
"We're all the same."
"Why do we need gender specific roles."

I think out of a desire to be sensitive to what we perceived as the collective desires of women, we basically said..

"Hmmm ok. Since we're all the same, equal, and our genders aren't specific, I don't need to initiate, lead, or do anything male specific. I respect and hear you sisters. I'll play along."

So the things specific to the male role diminished.

Because of the diminishing, now we perceive a shift in the collective female voice.
Now we hear....."Hey you need to lead, initiate, etc. etc. etc. ."

Yes women don't speak as a collective.
Yes each woman is unique.
Regardless, you get enough women together saying the same thing, it starts to sound like something all women want.
So when enough of them start saying things about equality, and non-gender specific roles, well men start to perceive that as something women want. Out of respect we honor it. But then the honoring gets interpreted as them being wimps, and not stepping up.

Hmm I wonder why men are confused?

What's the solution?

Men, quit listening to the voices and ideas that originate from non-Christian based ideas and agendas.
Our Bible says the genders are specific, and that there are distinct roles, to some extent.
Listen to that and tune out all the other voices.

Problem solved.
Wow. That was beautifully put. lol.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,243
9,303
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Shouryu: To your instincts you should have listened. No good the Force will do you if its warnings you ignore. Now not only reading this thread, but posting in it you have done. Forever will the taint stain you.
 
Jun 30, 2011
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>>sees thread on front page of Singles for days
>>reads first post right after it's posted
>>has a Star Wars-type "bad feeling about this"



>>refuse to open thread for a week
>>need something to do while sitting around brother's house
>>decide to read 12 pages of thread

View attachment 94305

>>many finger-pointing
>>so attacks
>>too blames
>>such generalisations
>>WOW

View attachment 94307

>>"blame everything on feminism" crowd jumps in
>>"American women are the worst" crowd jumps in
>>everyone tries to make everyone else feel bad



>>basically racist and PATENTLY FALSE stereotypes about Asian women introduced
>>old white men, clearly the experts on all things about Asian women



>>look to agirlandherguitar

View attachment 94308


-Read a tad of the post, even clicked article
-back and forth to the thread
-saw the I am bitter at women posts
-saw posts attacking grace-like-rain
-anger level increasing

= saw post by shouryo

feeling ok

everythng is awesome.jpg
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
Please do read the posts. There's been so many false assertions made in this thread to what others have posted.

For example; no one's attacked an entire gender, no one's asserted foreign women are inherently better than non-foreign women, no one claimed to be an expert on Asian women but rather discussed cultures and nations that have low divorce rates and pro-family models such as exist in the Philippines, no one attacked grace-like-rain but rather she personally attacked the character of ALL men who choose to create nuclear families apart from the failing Westernized feminist model and I responded by turning it around to offer her another view, etc...

Why make that stuff up when it's not true. Honestly, few even read and consider the posts instead simply responding as per the tape that's playing in their own head exactly as you did. I believe it's because they don't want to take the time to actually read the posts carefully and don't like the data that they did bother to read.

You're correct; however, that some appear to have gotten somewhat angry. For myself, I haven't. Honestly, it would be a futile exercise anyways as it changes nothing. People are going to do what they're going to do. Like Mike Tyson said once to a reporter who asked him if he ever gets angry in the ring, "who cares, we're already fighting." LOLOL. That's a joke btw ;).


-Read a tad of the post, even clicked article
-back and forth to the thread
-saw the I am bitter at women posts
-saw posts attacking grace-like-rain
-anger level increasing

= saw post by shouryo

feeling ok
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
Men have to listen to the non-Christian ideas and agenda of the judge because the law requires that they do or the court issues a warrant for their arrest and the police take them into custody and put them in jail and almost 50% of first marriages presently end in divorce court in the U.S. requiring almost 50% of men who get married just once to listen to non-Christian ideas and agendas.

Denying reality and pretending it doesn't exist is a form of escapism that isn't biblical or wise. The bible doesn't teach us to ignore reality and live in a pretend world we create in our minds using God's Word.

It teaches us to live in the real world and make wise godly decisions using God's Word. It makes sense for a Christian who believes in monogamous life-long marriage to choose a system that rewards marriage and either disallows divorce or makes divorce difficult to accomplish over systems structured to accomplish exactly the opposite.


Wow. That was beautifully put. lol.
 
N

needtrust52

Guest
I think women need to be more aggressive and take the initiative. I have a friend that is very shy but once he is comfortable w the person he will open up. One thing I have to say, if you have to take the initiative all the time , then it is time to move on.
 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
I'm too old for that, "I don't deserve anyone nonsense." She's a beautiful flower; I'm a frost; and I don't want to damage her peddles. (Wow! I just made that one up!) :cool:
Except, that is exactly what you are doing. You are saying you don't deserve her. And yet, unless you are really good friends with her, you probably don't even know her background.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest


Source: http://www.bgsu.edu/content/dam/BGSU/college-of-arts-and-sciences/NCFMR/documents/FP/FP-13-13.pdf


Liberals are proposing a way around this problem; however, they're proposing that the federal government simply stop collecting marriage data. If there's no data collected, then there's no way to chart the results their policies are having on our society with respect to marriage.

Conservatives, and interestingly, social liberals are opposed to doing this given the great importance such data has for social scientists. Christians are too as marriage/nuclear families are God's building block for humanity and the societies He want's them to create.

 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
Please do read the posts. There's been so many false assertions made in this thread to what others have posted.

For example; no one's attacked an entire gender, no one's asserted foreign women are inherently better than non-foreign women, no one claimed to be an expert on Asian women but rather discussed cultures and nations that have low divorce rates and pro-family models such as exist in the Philippines, no one attacked grace-like-rain but rather she personally attacked the character of ALL men who choose to create nuclear families apart from the failing Westernized feminist model and I responded by turning it around to offer her another view, etc...

Why make that stuff up when it's not true. Honestly, few even read and consider the posts instead simply responding as per the tape that's playing in their own head exactly as you did. I believe it's because they don't want to take the time to actually read the posts carefully and don't like the data that they did bother to read.

You're correct; however, that some appear to have gotten somewhat angry. For myself, I haven't. Honestly, it would be a futile exercise anyways as it changes nothing. People are going to do what they're going to do. Like Mike Tyson said once to a reporter who asked him if he ever gets angry in the ring, "who cares, we're already fighting." LOLOL. That's a joke btw ;).
Nearly choked while eating chips cause I wanted to laugh so hard when I read this. Really, you really think that the Philippines are a great model of Family dynamics, when I've heard pretty much the opposite from a lot of women on different chat sites? A lot of the Filipino women, or so I've been told, prefer to marry American/English men, because they believe the men won't cheat on them, and leave them the minute they have children, like many of their husbands have.

So yeah, Philippines may not necessarily be the best example of Family dynamics. And honestly, a lot of the problems that the US faces, are still going to be faced world wide, and not because of feminism, but because of sin.

The feminist moment started because many men were abusing their wives and daughters and basically selling them to the highest bidder. Women were being torn apart from their children the minute their husbands died, because they were not the automatic guardian, unless the husbands named them guardians. And the guardians, usually men, had the rights to allow the mothers to see their children or not. And very few men were willing to stand up to right the wrongs that were being done to women. Too many men, back then, liked the way things were, but it doesn't make that right.

I do agree that the modern day Feminist movement has definitely gone to far. But, part of that is the fact that Christian men and Christian women have taken their eyes off of God and let themselves become perverted by the World. So no, the current state of the world and marriage is not the fault of the Feminist, or the man's version of the feminist. It is the fault of every single Christian man and woman who has chosen to live like the world.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
But that's obviously not going to happen. Look at the posts in this thread. They are pure denial which means nothing's going to change whatsoever. Period. Which means a generation from now only about one-quarter to one-third of young American males will bother with marriage anymore.
Nobody is in denial about what your talking about, that's kind of what the whole basis of the original post is on. The whole men are not preparing themselves financially, morally, yada yada for marriage. It's all true. You've just provide a partial list of reasons why. Nobody said it wasn't true (at least of the posts I've read). What is it you hope to accomplish? The ladies can't fix these issues. It sucks for them because it's why no one asks them out (at least that's my theory on it) because they are good Christian women who would make excellent wives, but most of the men just don't want to marry so they get completely avoided like the plague when it comes to courtship.

I don't think it's a bad thing that a lady poster wanted to make a post encouraging single Christian men to step up and take some initiative and show us all some love. It's a great message in general (Of course those of us that have abandoned ship have already abandoned ship, but not everyone has....it may do single Christian men that actually want to marry some good to read her post). What is it your trying to accomplish? I don't understand what is motivating you here.
 

proverbs35

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2012
827
239
43

i am sorry, but i didn't think she sounded "princess" or was outright hypocrisy.

instead, she sounded frustrated with her current state of affairs, and maybe focusing on the guys she sees who aren't really stepping up, because that's her perceived source of problem. we're all guilty of lumping somebody into a label or group sometimes, not unlike you did, when you referred to her as "[another] typical princess attitude".
I read this on another thread.

agirlandherguitar said: Just to be clear, ServantStrike, the things I highlighted in my original post were written by a man who had been widowed. It's transparent that it's not just the women who are noticing and wanting to see these things as a reality.


http://christianchat.com/christian-...any-women-church-looking-fictional-man-4.html
Post #65

So, if I read correctly, the OP didn't write it herself. It was written by a man.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
Every American I know that married a Filipina is still happily married thirty years later (except the one whose wife died of cancer) and as a Naval veteran who was stationed on the West Coast; I know plenty of them. A fair number of them live in the Philippines.

But really it came up because that's an option men have. There are other options. Take my Uncle for example. He's celebrating his 23rd wedding anniversary to a Russian lady he met in St Petersburg. They came over for Christmas and are still madly in love. Another option is to simply to go "all in" as it's called in Texas Hold 'em and flip a coin. Heads it works out or tails you're screwed. Another option is to mitigate this with a legal instrument otherwise known as a legal contract that is fairer than the default heavily feminist influenced legal contract which is automatically assigned by the state.

But personal experiences and options aside, because they vary, the fact remains that both non-Christian and Christian men (especially young men) are making a conscious choice to forgo marriage and marriage is now at an all time low which, if you read my posts, is at a rate never before seen in the recorded history of Western Civilization.

I've been discussing the empirical real reasons for this and they are not what many here have suggested which has revolved around asserting males that choose to not take the default heavily influenced legal contract the state offers have flawed characters.

The culture has shifted and young men will no longer be bullied into taking on the liability of what amounts to a bad legal contract for their lives.

Certainly other factors are at work in this complicated issue but at the core of it are three things:

1. Our culture is increasingly post-Christian and anti-male.
2. The length of courtship today is far longer than in past generations requiring far greater amounts of time, energy, and money to be risked by males on what often ends up being a futile attempt.
3. The legal contract of marriage has been fundamentally altered to such an extent that men are materially disempowered on the one hand yet forced on the other to assume enormous liabilities that carry serious civil and criminal charges which can render them poor and incarcerated.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-2.html#post1811480
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-2.html#post1811534
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-7.html#post1811906
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-9.html#post1814098
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-9.html#post1814440
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ingle-men-its-time-step-up-9.html#post1814440
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-13.html#post1820285
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-14.html#post1821201
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-16.html#post1822111
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-16.html#post1822181
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-17.html#post1822290
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-20.html#post1827703
http://christianchat.com/christian-...ngle-men-its-time-step-up-20.html#post1828121



Nearly choked while eating chips cause I wanted to laugh so hard when I read this. Really, you really think that the Philippines are a great model of Family dynamics, when I've heard pretty much the opposite from a lot of women on different chat sites? A lot of the Filipino women, or so I've been told, prefer to marry American/English men, because they believe the men won't cheat on them, and leave them the minute they have children, like many of their husbands have.

So yeah, Philippines may not necessarily be the best example of Family dynamics. And honestly, a lot of the problems that the US faces, are still going to be faced world wide, and not because of feminism, but because of sin.

The feminist moment started because many men were abusing their wives and daughters and basically selling them to the highest bidder. Women were being torn apart from their children the minute their husbands died, because they were not the automatic guardian, unless the husbands named them guardians. And the guardians, usually men, had the rights to allow the mothers to see their children or not. And very few men were willing to stand up to right the wrongs that were being done to women. Too many men, back then, liked the way things were, but it doesn't make that right.

I do agree that the modern day Feminist movement has definitely gone to far. But, part of that is the fact that Christian men and Christian women have taken their eyes off of God and let themselves become perverted by the World. So no, the current state of the world and marriage is not the fault of the Feminist, or the man's version of the feminist. It is the fault of every single Christian man and woman who has chosen to live like the world.
 
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
If I may, I would like to make another contribution to this discussion. I'm not trying to make this about me, but I want to share my story as an example.

I used to not see the point of dating or even pursuing a wife until my student loans were paid off and I was moved out. However a series of events (which included reading Scripture concerning marriage) changed my view rather quickly on seeking marriage. I've now become angry at the time I've wasted, seeing as for many people who "can't control themselves", they need a spouse. Besides, marriage is a great way for someone to become more like a man, the kind of man Jesus Christ wants us to be. Now I'm not at all saying that celibates aren't real men, they certainly are; they just happen to have that gift of celibacy.

Now, because of this, the question now becomes, "Where are the single Christian women?" I've tried looking for nearly a year, and I can't find anyone. I'm not shunning online dating, but it's just not for me. So, I network, I network like Chris Gardner networks in The Pursuit of Happyness. Some people may see this as desperation, but if you're desperate to avoid further sexual sin, then it's all worth it. Now of course, you MUST think of the woman's needs as well as your own, and talk this over between your partner and both families, but both parties concerned must be serious about moving forward.

So to you serious women, thank you for speaking up and leading like-minded men to you to begin the discussion. It's definitely no sin to let your availability be known.

And to the men who aren't pursuing marriage but want it, and feel they need it, the women are out there, you too confess your availability and let's find each other!
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
The U.S. Census Bureau survey shows that since 1970, the median age for women to get married has continued to increase. Consider that 30 years ago, nearly 95 percent of women under 31 were married. Now look at the graphs the Census Bureau, Pew Research, etc... are releasing. Wow!

So where are women your age? Pew Research reports that 71% of young females that graduated from high school enrolled in college in 2012. That's where most young twenty something women are: Gender gap in college enrollment | Pew Research Center

This isn't rocket science ;). If you want to meet Christian women in the U.S. and are willing to assume the tremendous risks and liabilities associated with the current state enforced marriage contract, simply attend a good Christian college. They are literally teeming with eligible Christian young women. It's fish in a barrel. Happy hunting.


Now, because of this, the question now becomes, "Where are the single Christian women?" I've tried looking for nearly a year, and I can't find anyone.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
Hi AOK, I was skimming through your sources you use to establish your premises and conclusions.
The link above links to this blog.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/why-men-are-withdrawing-from-courtship/

I was wondering the blogger's qualifications as far as being a qualified expert in his field, so as to know the firmness of one of the foundations you use to establish your premises and conclusions.

I went to the about page of said blog and it says...
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/about/

I’m a happily married man living with my sexy wife and our two wonderful kids in the Dallas/Forth Worth area. I’m very interested in how the post feminist world impacts myself and my family, and am using this blog to explore these kinds of issues.
I hope you enjoy this blog and most of all take a few minutes to comment on any entries which interest you. Feel free to either agree or disagree, although I find I learn the most from those who disagree with me.
If you are interested in more information about the banner image, click here.
[h=3][/h]
I don't see any academic credentials listed. Is there anything that makes this guy credible other than his ability to post links from content then comment on said articles? Are you aware of his credentials?

Just asking because you reference him often as a source to validate your premises, assertions and conclusions.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,379
113
Anyone with a sexy wife is obviously an expert on the Feminist Plague.

I'm totally sold!
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
AOK also in reference to the mentioned blog, the blogger presents himself as if he comes from a Christian perspective. Yet in his about section he uses only one adjective to describe his wife. That being "sexy".

I’m a happily married man living with my sexy wife and our two wonderful kids in the Dallas/Forth Worth area. I’m very interested in how the post feminist world impacts myself and my family, and am using this blog to explore these kinds of issues.
I hope you enjoy this blog and most of all take a few minutes to comment on any entries which interest you. Feel free to either agree or disagree, although I find I learn the most from those who disagree with me.
If you are interested in more information about the banner image
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/about/

He has a lot of room to describe his wife, and a vast supply of adjectives in the English language to use, yet he only chose one adjective, and not much space to describe a major person in his life. He could have used his one adjective to call her Godly, or smart, or loving, but instead he uses a rather crude word...sexy.

Does the use of this crude word to describe a rather significant and important woman in his life reflect his attitude about women, and maybe give us insight into an unhealthy view of women that is driving his assertions and conclusions? If his assertions and conclusions are originating from such a dark starting point, can his assertions and conclusions be trusted? Especially in a blog geared toward many assertions and conclusions on women?
 
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