Forgive me if this comes off as a little too honest, but I'm a man. I'm not a woman. My nature is born of God first "male" in the flesh and now "Christian man" in the Spirit.
This thread was meant to be a prayerful expression of what Christian men are looking for and the moment someone says "attractiveness", the word shallow crops up and then men (and women) have to defend men from other women (and men).
Beauty IS one of the characteristics men look for. It's fashioned in us by God himself, and it's not wrong. Men seek beauty as God seeks beauty. It only becomes wrong when it's the first and only feature looked for...and to be quite frank, on the whole, women judge each other based on attractiveness more than men judge women.
I thought donkeyfish and the other guys did a pretty good job in listing the things Christian men are looking for, but when Nautilus added attractiveness suddenly it's as if the other shoe dropped...and then this thread, which had the same spirit as Jullianna's, lost its luster...when "attractiveness" is as valid a characteristic to look for.
Abraham told his servant to find a wife for Isaac. That servant prayed to God to CHOOSE a wife for him. That wife God's chose was Rebekah and scripture specifically says she was "beautiful". God chose a beautiful woman for Isaac. Was God shallow? Of course she had all of the internal characteristics that a man of God would want but she was also beautiful. So it's unfair to have to conceal one of the things God has naturally put in each person - man and woman - as a desire, especially when this thread was supposed to be an HONEST, prayerful expression of what Christian men are looking for. Any less than that is a lie.
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Trust, Honesty, Faithfulness, Obedience, Humility, and Beauty (which has and always will be in the eyes of the beholder). These are what Christian men are looking for in a godly woman. But here's the problem when something like beauty/attractiveness comes into play...
It's women who're constantly chatting about superficial things like a woman's looks, not men. It's women for the most part who are obsessed with their appearance to point of frustration, anger and personal resentment against themselves and other women, who have certain features they're coveting; working themselves - and other women - up into a frenzy because they've deemed, in their own competition against each other, that they don't measure up to the perfect image *they* want for themselves...even if they actually possess some of the other features other women are coveting. This sin of covetousness is "woman against woman". Men are not involved in this sin other than being the "points" women score against each other.
Then comes an unsuspecting man who, when asked in the presence of women what he's looking for in a woman, says (last in a series of "more important" characteristics already expressed) "attractiveness doesn't hurt either". Immediately, all holy heck breaks loose and the women who've tortured themselves and others (or who are/were tortured by other women) on their looks, to the point of emotional-destruction, turn on
him and more or less accuse
him of shallowness.
"she should NOT be wearing that [whatever]"
"look at her [whatever]! lol"
"that [whatever] is all wrong for her"
"she looks hideous! lol"
"I hate her."
Men don't say these things to other men about women. Women do. The world's standard of a woman's beauty is not shaped by men's desires, it's shaped by women coveting; in magazine articles, on TV and woman-led talk shows, commercials, billboards, etc. All of this "vanity" is peddled to women because many women desire to one-up other women (with other women becoming victims of this competition they never wanted to be a part of [i.e. the movie "Mean Girls"])...it's not really about winning a man at all (because, remember, in this fallen world the overall gospel is "men aren't needed").
"
How dare *you* be so shallow, you man!" Really?? The
man is the shallow one?
This is the undercurrent that makes a thread like this a powder keg, with Nautilus's post as the fuse and lav's the fire. I suspect this is why it took some time for someone to fulfill Jullianna's request to make a similar thread...and why someone like 1Still_Waters said in another similar thread he's not going to list his preferences in a woman because it could offend some people.
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What worldly men find attractive is slightly different from what men of God find attractive, but attractiveness is still important. And if godly women want a godly man they have to accept this truth. It's a reality...and it wouldn't be such a big problem for women if women (in general) didn't whipped themselves up into such a frothy frenzy of
covetousness to begin with. Because of this, when many beautiful women - even beautiful women I've seen on this site - hear "attractiveness" as a characteristic they immediately disqualify themselves as not being attractive based on their *own* ranking in this "woman's only" competition...when very few if any woman have
actually asked men what *they* find attractive. *His* opinion is the only one that actually matters, not other women's...yet in some strange slight-of-hand the man is at fault for women coveting
each other's looks. o_0?
That's why I liked Julianne's one thread a couple a weeks ago that gave great advice to BOTH genders which included steps for
looking presentable. Because while it must NEVER be the forefront, it matters. It matters to women AND men. It matters to God to give.
[The rest of this post is the scriptural dissertation Jullianna asked not to dive into (lol) so you can skip the following if you prefer.]
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EVERYTHING that God made when he made it was good, and speaks to a characteristic of his relationship with us (Rom 1:20), this includes men and women's bodies in form and function.
A man body speaks of the rod of iron that is to come an rule. And from the rod flows the life.
Genesis 49:10
The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet, until he to whom it belongs shall come and the obedience of the nations shall be his.
A woman's body speaks of the Promised Land, and on a higher level, The Kingdom of God.
Exodus 3:8
So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a [BEAUTIFUL] and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey
This is what God prepared for his "son" when he called his son Israel in the OT (Ex 4:22). The land was the bride of his "son" and it was:
Naturally Beautiful - every hill and valley curving in it proper place; nothing artificial or man-made
Fertile - able to receive seed and bare fruit and give milk and honey
Home - a place his "son" could enter into and find rest
Also in the future New Jerusalem represents the BEAUTIFUL wife of Christ.
Revelation 21:2
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully adorn for her husband.
And in Holy marriage, when a husband and wife become one to brings forth new life, this holy act speaks of the holy covenant between God and Abraham to give him many offspring. It's the SAME holy truth in function (this is why it shouldn't be perverted).
Genesis 15:17
17 When the sun had set and darkness had fallen, a smoking oven [woman's symbol] with a blazing torch [man's symbol] appeared and passed between the [split halves].
THIS is what God SPEAKS through every man and woman that draws breath, through their natural form and function, whether single or married. So after the spiritual qualities of Trust, Honesty, Faithfulness, Obedience and Humility, a man of God am looking for:
- Natural Beauty. Every "hill & valley" curving in its proper place. The world's standard of beauty is worthless to a man of God. But this means a woman still needs to be healthy...and if you take care of yourself on the inside first, the outside will follow. Eat and drink more of what you're supposed to and less of what you're not. Only eat and drink to live. Eat and drink at the right times and not at the wrong times. Get the proper amount of sleep so it doesn't start showing. Exercise, but don't obsess. Less vanity (cover up and add-ons) because it's a walking lie. Show more of your actual face (which reflects again humility and honesty). When young boys first start fancying young girls they aren't wearing makeup. Again if you take care of yourself on the inside first, your natural beauty will shine through. And it doesn't matter how old you get, YOU WILL REMAIN BEAUTIFUL.
- Fertility; flowing with milk and honey. If you are taking care of yourself on the inside, as well as remain obedient to God, this will also taken care of itself. This includes avoiding all of the man-made junk women put in and on their bodies fussing with their chemistry. The skin is the largest orifice of the body, so if you can't eat it you shouldn't put it on your skin. And it doesn't matter how old you get, YOU WILL REMAIN FERTILE...God proved that many times over.
- Home. A place a man (as husband) can enter into and find his rest. You must be open emotionally (which is again honesty and humility). A wife is the long awaited home of her husband. And it doesn't matter how old you get, YOU WILL REMAIN his HOME.
