Hey Everyone,
I have a series of topics I'd like to ask about, and this question seems to be the key to about 3 threads I hope to write in the future.
I don't watch much TV, but wasn't there a sitcom (maybe Seinfeld?) that talked about how high one comes in on the dating scale (on a scale of 1-10, where does one rate?) and that the normal social "rule" is that you can date within about 2 numbers above or below your rating?
For instance, if 1 is the lowest score and 10 is the highest and you are a 7, your "league" is going to be within the range of a 5-9 (socially, you "can" date people who "rate" within this range.) Anything lower or higher than that is "outside of your league" and just not acceptable. For example, you typically don't see doctors marrying fast food workers, supermodels marrying "geeks" or "nerds", or people from wealthy families marrying into families who suffer from poverty.
As Christians, everyone is going to say, "We all have value and are beautiful in Christ," but when it comes to real life and the dating game, Christians are just as prone to these kinds of unspoken "ratings" as anyone else (at least, from what I've seen.)
In fact, I often feel Christians have their own rating scale IN ADDITION to the "regular" ratings (looks, earning potential, social status, etc.) that revolves around a "spiritual" rating.
After all, the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. And you hear about a lot of Christians rejecting other Christians because they basically don't rate high enough on the spiritual scale in order to be considered "within their league."
The purpose of this thread is NOT in any way meant to PROMOTE the idea of "leagues", status or basing our decisions about whom we will date on these supposed "ratings", but rather to ask, have you observed this kind of thinking? And what do you think of it?
Do you think the Christian community is any different from the world when it comes to "dating within our league", or do you actually see people who are a "4" and are dating or married to a "10", in any category?
Marrieds are welcome to answer too. I certainly don't expect them to list their "own" "ratings" ("I'm a 10 and I married a 3!!") because that's a bit personal (though they surely can if they want to), but it would be interesting to hear whether they've observed this phenomenon among those they know who are married, too.
Anyone is invited to share their thoughts.
No.. I still see the flesh and world in the church as much as in the street. The difference are the few you find earnestly trying to live with/in/for Christ in Church vs the bar, but honestly...a lot of it is chalked up to people just being people. God can and does change us (that 'new creation' verse), but even that is largely a choice we make (deny yourself daily, pick up your cross daily, follow Jesus daily...or not). We make choices consciously or what we think is unconsciously every moment of every day, and often those choices change and vary... this particular topic of 'leagues' and 'rankings' holding no different.
In fact, it's often worsened in this instance, because many people judge things on a 'merit' based system (some set of core values and measure of which someone consistently exhibits them). So, like your examples, wealth, looks, education, social status, etc etc... often play a large part in how we deem someone 'acceptable' or 'unacceptable' for any given role.
Take me, for example, I earnestly believe that no one is any 'better' or 'worse' than anyone else. We all are equally made and loved by God. There is no person God wants over another or less than another. I believe that...but then, our believes (mentally) often don't match our actions. That's were the 'faith without action is dead' phrase comes in. So, while I may truly believe that, do I believe it enough to act on it in every situation? Well, there are times I use that to help others, speak to people one normally wouldn't, etc etc.. but do I apply that philosophy to dating or my preferences when it comes to things (including people)? No. I'm often around all kinds, but I only want to be around certain kinds. I COULD date anyone, but my desire is to date certain ones. Why bring that up? I don't think I'm alone in this reality. I see many people behave this way, whether they admit it or not.
So, do I think the Christian community (as a whole) is different from the world when it comes to dating or 'classing' people?
No.
Are there Christian individuals whose faith has changed their outlook and actions when it comes to dating or class systems? Yes, certainly.
Now, that being said, I've seen what some may consider '10s' with what some may consider '4s', but attraction is a weird thing. We're all attracted to different things, and though physical appearance does play a large role, it's not the deciding factor. I know physically gorgeous women who I personally wouldn't want to give the time of day, because I know how they behave, and it's appalling. On the flip side, I know women who aren't particularly attractive in a physical way, but who I enjoy spending time with because they are a beautiful person. That actually makes me think of a few songs (as I relate everything with music):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek2PDE1cAyY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fuBai_EvK0
Anyway, as always, I appreciate your threads, Kim, even though I don't always answer...but, believe it or not, I do fully read at least half of them... ^_~ As for rating, I had a coworker at Starbucks who was definitely a worldly guy, but his name was Corey, and almost everyone loved him. It's hard to explain, because it wasn't that he was good at any one thing or looked a certain way... He was fun and funny, and really amiable for some reason. For example, he could insult you, but by the end of the day you'd both be laughing about it and closer friends afterward...not offended or more distant. I know that sounds weird, but he's just that kind of guy.
Anyway...that long back story to say, one day we were talking about this at work, and as he carrying dishes to the back in the midst of our 4-way conversation, Corey stopped and looked back after Blaise asked him what he thought my rating was, and said (I'll try to remember the delivery if I can),
"You know, Reece is one of those unassuming, fun-but-hardworking, kinda strange-yet-lovable types. Not necessarily the best looking or most popular, but a good solid 5 or 6, salt of earth type-a-guys who *Uncle Sam Announcer voice* 'The backbone of this country was founded on." XD
I know that quote doesn't do it justice, but I'll leave you with that fond memory of this subject in mind.
