Would You Compete with a Gaggle of Other Suitors to Win Someone's Hand?
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I was competed for around the time I turned 19. I had just broken up with a girlfriend, because I thought it was getting to serious. I had been employed on a union job for two years at the time. I was making three times what most of my friends were making, and I had benefits. Another girl had been looking at me; and upon hearing of my breakup, started flirting. She got her whole family involved in trying to hook me.
I took that other girl on our first date to my first girlfriend's party. He He... Everyone was civil about it. Later the other girl's family started spreading rumors about my first girlfriend. I did not like that, so I dropped the other girl like a hot potato. Soon, I started visiting the first girlfriend and she was all for it. I ended up marrying the first one. I was to young but Oh, Well.
I took that other girl on our first date to my first girlfriend's party. He He... Everyone was civil about it. Later the other girl's family started spreading rumors about my first girlfriend. I did not like that, so I dropped the other girl like a hot potato. Soon, I started visiting the first girlfriend and she was all for it. I ended up marrying the first one. I was to young but Oh, Well.
K/S keeps coming up with these creative threads. If she were not Christian she could probably make a lot of money as a gossip columnist.
After my first wife left me (leaving me with our 3 kids no less) I did not get remarried for quite some time. Before we were married and after she left I dated, sometimes quite a bit.
I never had the experience of anyone telling me there was someone else that they were interested in. Well one woman did, but I did not believe her, because that was to make me jealous. She knew I was not going to marry her and did want to get married. Therefore I was stone faced when she told me because I did not care enough about her to marry her anyway. So if she really did have a one night stand I do not know, but in either case she never mentioned it again or tried that any more.
Now cut to years later and a childhood friend that I grew up with in Brooklyn is working for me. We always more or less kept in contact through the years. He came from a family of six, 4 boys and 2 girls.
I lived in Miami Beach with my mom and siblings from the high school to college years but would still go back to Brooklyn, where I was born and raised, for about almost 3 months every year. My dad had a house in Brooklyn he still owned so it was easy to go back there. Being the oldest and in high school I would get out of school a few weeks earlier then my siblings and would promptly drive back to NYC. Usually my mom and siblings would not arrive until 3 weeks later.
My dad and I would often order pizza or some other junk food. After about a week for that I every year I would ask my friend if I could come over and eat the food his mom made, something home cooked. Some nights I would even sleep over in his room on the floor.
Trust me their is a reason I am telling you this seemingly useless background info.
When my friend was working for me his younger sister, whom I knew as a kid, but not well, her being 8 years younger, would sometimes come my place of business to visit him. In fact so would my friends dad, to talk to my dad, them also knowing each other through the relationship of their sons.
She was dating a guy and we would sometimes chat but not often or too long. A few years later she contacts me and starts to tell me she is going on vacation with her friend and continues to contact me thereafter. I finally asked her, did you and your boy friend break up? She said yes.
We started dating and after about 3 or 4 months she tells me her old boy friend came to her store. She implies he may want to date her again and that she would not break up with me to date him again. I did not respond. We kept dating and I never brought it up nor did the mention it again either. About another 2 months later she said this guy pops up into her store and asks her to marry him. I said well you would do much better off marrying me. She said well that is the first time two men proposed to me in one day. I said I did not propose to you, just said that I would make a better husband.
About 6 months go by and again no mention of him nor do I ask. I knew enough about her that she was of high character and would not lie or cheat on me so I was not concerned much about it. Finally i did ask her to marry me and she did.
The twist to this story is that she and my first wife lived about 5 blocks from each other with me living in the middle. We all know each other. My first wife's younger sister, about 7 years younger then me, was friends with my second wife.
We were all close enough that my second wife, when she was 16 even attended, with her brothers and parents, the wedding to my first wife.
After my first wife left me (leaving me with our 3 kids no less) I did not get remarried for quite some time. Before we were married and after she left I dated, sometimes quite a bit.
I never had the experience of anyone telling me there was someone else that they were interested in. Well one woman did, but I did not believe her, because that was to make me jealous. She knew I was not going to marry her and did want to get married. Therefore I was stone faced when she told me because I did not care enough about her to marry her anyway. So if she really did have a one night stand I do not know, but in either case she never mentioned it again or tried that any more.
Now cut to years later and a childhood friend that I grew up with in Brooklyn is working for me. We always more or less kept in contact through the years. He came from a family of six, 4 boys and 2 girls.
I lived in Miami Beach with my mom and siblings from the high school to college years but would still go back to Brooklyn, where I was born and raised, for about almost 3 months every year. My dad had a house in Brooklyn he still owned so it was easy to go back there. Being the oldest and in high school I would get out of school a few weeks earlier then my siblings and would promptly drive back to NYC. Usually my mom and siblings would not arrive until 3 weeks later.
My dad and I would often order pizza or some other junk food. After about a week for that I every year I would ask my friend if I could come over and eat the food his mom made, something home cooked. Some nights I would even sleep over in his room on the floor.
Trust me their is a reason I am telling you this seemingly useless background info.
When my friend was working for me his younger sister, whom I knew as a kid, but not well, her being 8 years younger, would sometimes come my place of business to visit him. In fact so would my friends dad, to talk to my dad, them also knowing each other through the relationship of their sons.
She was dating a guy and we would sometimes chat but not often or too long. A few years later she contacts me and starts to tell me she is going on vacation with her friend and continues to contact me thereafter. I finally asked her, did you and your boy friend break up? She said yes.
We started dating and after about 3 or 4 months she tells me her old boy friend came to her store. She implies he may want to date her again and that she would not break up with me to date him again. I did not respond. We kept dating and I never brought it up nor did the mention it again either. About another 2 months later she said this guy pops up into her store and asks her to marry him. I said well you would do much better off marrying me. She said well that is the first time two men proposed to me in one day. I said I did not propose to you, just said that I would make a better husband.
About 6 months go by and again no mention of him nor do I ask. I knew enough about her that she was of high character and would not lie or cheat on me so I was not concerned much about it. Finally i did ask her to marry me and she did.
The twist to this story is that she and my first wife lived about 5 blocks from each other with me living in the middle. We all know each other. My first wife's younger sister, about 7 years younger then me, was friends with my second wife.
We were all close enough that my second wife, when she was 16 even attended, with her brothers and parents, the wedding to my first wife.
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I'm old fashioned enough to say that HE would have to be the one competing . But I guess I just don't think that way...I live my life to the fullest Soli Deo Gloria, and attracting a guy is icing on the cake. I won't fight for someone. I'll be myself, and if that is not good enough for them I'm not going to try to bait him with something other than myself.
. But I guess I just don't think that way...I live my life to the fullest Soli Deo Gloria, and attracting a guy is icing on the cake. I won't fight for someone. I'll be myself, and if that is not good enough for them I'm not going to try to bait him with something other than myself.
I do enjoy the classic harem anime set up of one kind hearted guy with a gaggle of quircy girls. I do however realize thats not ideal in real life. My last girlfriend was a practicing pagan though attractive she was already in a relationship when we were dating. I find it appaling that I ever went along with it but I also convinced myself that she would dump the other guy or he would leave. She ended up dumping me. Since then ive become far more dependent on Christ and ive pretty much just left it up to him. If I find the right girl than great! If not thats fine too.
I didn't compete, & neither did my wife.
It did take me longer to see she was the one, though.
We both believed it was supposed to be God's choice, not ours.
There's an old saying......... "You need to lay it on the altar to let God deal with it & walk away from it". Then don't ever go back to take it off.
If man's methods were useless to gain Salvation, what makes you think man's ways will work for finding Mr/Mrs Right?
I knew I wasn't good looking enuff, smart enuff, rich enuff, etc.
I figured with what I had to work with, it would take God to do it.
And He did.
Still in love after all these years.
It did take me longer to see she was the one, though.
We both believed it was supposed to be God's choice, not ours.
There's an old saying......... "You need to lay it on the altar to let God deal with it & walk away from it". Then don't ever go back to take it off.
If man's methods were useless to gain Salvation, what makes you think man's ways will work for finding Mr/Mrs Right?
I knew I wasn't good looking enuff, smart enuff, rich enuff, etc.
I figured with what I had to work with, it would take God to do it.
And He did.
Still in love after all these years.