Pre-marital sex - No brainer

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L

Lily777

Guest
#1
#1
So the current "Christian man" I'm dating, 44 years old, goes to church, writes music onto God, etc is "discouraged" because I want to wait for marriage before sex. He says he does love me. But because I don't want to have sexual relations, he says it's not going to work out and that we should remain friends.

It's a no brainer, right?

I know it is, but I need ya'll to tell me it's a no brainer.

Cause I can't believe the relationships I'm running into with what I thought were men who loved the Lord and I though His Word made it perfectly clear fornication is a sin.

How could he possibly love me if he breaks up because he isn't getting what he wanted? He's full of it, right? No brainer?
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#2
#2
Acts 15:29
That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


Pretty much a no brainer, right?
 
M

Messy

Banned
#3
May 26, 2016
545
3
0
#3
Yes, in Holland on dating sites you have these handy questions they can fill in like: do you wait before marriage?
Yes
Depends on her
No
We'll see
hidden answer or no answer

So you can skip all those 5, which leaves like 3 people who aren't interested. I gave up. I was shocked first, even a guy who was just saved and the Lord this, the Lord that, he was in this church I used to attend 25 years ago. They'd Always preach that it was sin. They don't have a clue and I'm not gonna explain it to a grown up man again.
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#4
#4
1 Corinthians 10:8
Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.
Galatians 5:19
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:


I don't see anything in here that says if you love her, you should have sex right? Yeah I'm a bit angry right now and hurting right now, because I'm beside myself on how a Christian man can say he loves me and give me this line of bologna.
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#5
#5
Messy said:
Yes, in Holland on dating sites you have these handy questions they can fill in like: do you wait before marriage?
Yes
Depends on her
No
We'll see
hidden answer or no answer

So you can skip all those 5, which leaves like 3 people who aren't interested. I gave up. I was shocked first, even a guy who was just saved and the Lord this, the Lord that, he was in this church I used to attend 25 years ago. They'd Always preach that it was sin. They don't have a clue and I'm not gonna explain it to a grown up man again.
Click to expand...
Yes so a no brainer right? He's giving me a line a bull to try to get his way right?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#6
May 23, 2009
15,309
4,727
113
#6
Sweetie,

As another 40-something woman who has been trying to navigate the world of dating for years, I could swap dozens of horror stories with you, many of which I've posted right here on CC in the past.

Just a few of the gems:

* The guy who told me about driving 1 1/2 hours to his old church every Sunday because he couldn't find one in his new location that he liked as much--then as soon as I got home from my first (and only) date with him (talking over dinner), he texted me and asked, "So... how soon do you think a couple can start having sex after they meet?"

Uh... no brainer.

* The guy who once traveled the world as a youth missionary and was currently on his church's praise team. During our first (and only) date, he told me his ex-wife used to "bribe him with sex", then looked straight at me and said, "And I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."

Argh... HUGE no brainer.

* And finally, the guy I met for lunch (our first and only date--are you seeing a trend here?) who, during our conversation, made references to things in porn movies (no, I watch porn movies), but he would say things like, "That looks/sounds like something right out of a porn movie!" and I was wondering how frequently he watched them in order to know. He then made a few implications... and let's just say that it made me extremely uncomfortable.

For the past umpteen years, I've had pretty much all first-dates-only that were a whole bunch of no-brainers. You're not alone, believe me. Keep standing tall, and keep the faith.

But, to make this fair, I have also, in that time, met some really sweet, utterly sincere and the utmost trustworthy Christian men anyone could have the privilege of meeting--it's just that we had no chemistry, had different ministry interests, or our lives just headed off in different directions. Many of them went on to marry other wonderful Christian women.

In fact, one of the only things that keeps me going are my Christian guy friends who generously lend me a shoulder to cry on when I want to vent about all my "no-brainer" experiences!!

And, of course it goes both ways, as I've also heard many horror stories from our noble, honorable Christian guys out there who have also had to deal with women being far too aggressive and/or have dumped them for the same reason.

My sympathies to anyone, guy or girl, who is out there in the midst of the Shark Tank we call Dating.
 
M

Messy

Banned
#7
May 26, 2016
545
3
0
#7
Lily777 said:
Yes so a no brainer right? He's giving me a line a bull to try to get his way right?
Click to expand...
Yup
Well to Dutch standards this is a fairly decent guy. The ones that say: oh yeah, sure and try anyway are worse.
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#8
#8
seoulsearch said:
Sweetie,

As another 40-something woman who has been trying to navigate the world of dating for years, I could swap dozens of horror stories with you, many of which I've posted right here on CC in the past.

Just a few of the gems:

* The guy who told me about driving 1 1/2 hours to his old church every Sunday because he couldn't find one in his new location that he liked as much--then as soon as I got home from my first (and only) date with him (talking over dinner), he texted me and asked, "So... how soon do you think a couple can start having sex after they meet?"

Uh... no brainer.

* The guy who once traveled the world as a youth missionary and was currently on his church's praise team. During our first (and only) date, he told me his ex-wife used to "bribe him with sex", then looked straight at me and said, "And I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."

Argh... HUGE no brainer.

* And finally, the guy I met for lunch (our first and only date--are you seeing a trend here?) who, during our conversation, made references to things in porn movies (no, I watch porn movies), but he would say things like, "That looks/sounds like something right out of a porn movie!" and I was wondering how frequently he watched them in order to know. He then made a few implications... and let's just say that it made me extremely uncomfortable.

For the past umpteen years, I've had pretty much all first-dates-only that were a whole bunch of no-brainers. You're not alone, believe me. Keep standing tall, and keep the faith.

But, to make this fair, I have also, in that time, met some really sweet, utterly sincere and the utmost trustworthy Christian men anyone could have the privilege of meeting--it's just that we had no chemistry, had different ministry interests, or our lives just headed off in different directions. Many of them went on to marry other wonderful Christian women.

In fact, one of the only things that keeps me going are my Christian guy friends who generously lend me a shoulder to cry on when I want to vent about all my "no-brainer" experiences!!

And, of course it goes both ways, as I've also heard many horror stories from our noble, honorable Christian guys out there who have also had to deal with women being far too aggressive and/or have dumped them for the same reason.

My sympathies to anyone, guy or girl, who is out there in the midst of the Shark Tank we call Dating.
Click to expand...
Thank you, thank you and thank you. Can't believe how much it hurts. Thank you. I'm not alone, I know our God is with me. I'm thankful not that you went through the same or similar experiences, but so thankful that you took care to answer and that helps not feel so alone. If that makes sense.

What blows my mind is that he can tell me he loves me. "Yes I love you, and yes it hurts to let you go." Because he knows I don't want to, or that I want to wait. My goodness, my goodness, I say. Beside myself.

In the hurt/anger I want to cry WOLF among the sheep, but that could be falsely accusing. Because how can a WOLF profess Jesus Christ as our Lord? How could a WOLF write songs saying how much he loves the Lord? He may be struggling with this sin, and I'm sure he'll find many a woman who'll put out for him, as he's an attractive man. But him telling me he loves me thing, just baffles my mind.

This man is so kind, and gentle. He doesn't get mad at me, he's super sweet to me, I adore how he is to me and others. But this. I've prayed to the Lord about this. I know the answer. But I can't believe this, yet again.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#9
Mar 26, 2014
4,390
2,390
113
#9
Lily777 said:
So the current "Christian man" I'm dating, 44 years old, goes to church, writes music onto God, etc is "discouraged" because I want to wait for marriage before sex. He says he does love me. But because I don't want to have sexual relations, he says it's not going to work out and that we should remain friends.

It's a no brainer, right?

I know it is, but I need ya'll to tell me it's a no brainer.

Cause I can't believe the relationships I'm running into with what I thought were men who loved the Lord and I though His Word made it perfectly clear fornication is a sin.

How could he possibly love me if he breaks up because he isn't getting what he wanted? He's full of it, right? No brainer?
Click to expand...
A wise person once said something along the lines of if you can't be celibate as a single how do you expect to be faithful in a marriage. So yeah, I'm sorry, it stinks, but yes you probably dodged a bullet if he's really the type of person who's going to break up with his girlfriend because he wants to fornicate and she wants to obey God. You have to wonder if such a person would divorce his wife when things got difficult and weren't fun anymore.

And unfortunately from what I hear, premarital sex is a pretty common thing even in the "Christian" crowd. (Should it even be called premarital if there isn't a marriage that later takes place between those two people?) Pastor has been quoting a statistic recently that according to the best research those who could truly be defined as evangelical Christians (you know they actually believe things like the Bible is inspired and true and we should follow all of it) are about 7-10% of the US population. So there are a lot of church guys (and gals let's be fair here) who are big on the grace and love and forgiveness thing but don't really opt in for the whole obedience idea. Best I think anyone can do is be up front about your stance on waiting not fornicating before too many emotional ties are made. But yeah, sin and even the desire to sin makes things crappy for all of us, even when we do what is right.
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#10
#10
cinder said:
A wise person once said something along the lines of if you can't be celibate as a single how do you expect to be faithful in a marriage. So yeah, I'm sorry, it stinks, but yes you probably dodged a bullet if he's really the type of person who's going to break up with his girlfriend because he wants to fornicate and she wants to obey God. You have to wonder if such a person would divorce his wife when things got difficult and weren't fun anymore.

And unfortunately from what I hear, premarital sex is a pretty common thing even in the "Christian" crowd. (Should it even be called premarital if there isn't a marriage that later takes place between those two people?) Pastor has been quoting a statistic recently that according to the best research those who could truly be defined as evangelical Christians (you know they actually believe things like the Bible is inspired and true and we should follow all of it) are about 7-10% of the US population. So there are a lot of church guys (and gals let's be fair here) who are big on the grace and love and forgiveness thing but don't really opt in for the whole obedience idea. Best I think anyone can do is be up front about your stance on waiting not fornicating before too many emotional ties are made. But yeah, sin and even the desire to sin makes things crappy for all of us, even when we do what is right.
Click to expand...

Thank you so very much. That is a wise saying. Yes it makes me wonder if he would remain faithful for sure. Even your saying on the bottom of your post, "The true definition of love is sacrifice."

Yes I should have just titled this fornication. Which is basically sex outside of marriage. I don't know how on earth he can say he loves me, but let me go because he wants to have sex. That is not love at all.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#11
Mar 26, 2014
4,390
2,390
113
#11
Lily777 said:
Yes I should have just titled this fornication. Which is basically sex outside of marriage. I don't know how on earth he can say he loves me, but let me go because he wants to have sex. That is not love at all.
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I think there are a lot of people who don't know the difference between love and getting flooded with hormones and wanting to have sex. Lots of people confuse the two and it is a very costly mistake to make.
 
L

Lily777

Guest
#12
#12
cinder said:
I think there are a lot of people who don't know the difference between love and getting flooded with hormones and wanting to have sex. Lots of people confuse the two and it is a very costly mistake to make.
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Yes, I was blessed by the Lord that He brought into my life a wise elder in the church, explaining the difference between love and lust, and Agape love, and the way it should be between a woman and a man in the church.

I can't wait until we are with Him. This world really really really really really really really really really stinks.
 
J

JustWhoIAm

Guest
#13
#13
Lily777 said:
Acts 15:29
That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


Pretty much a no brainer, right?
Click to expand...

Don't even think about it...

:rolleyes:
 
M

Messy

Banned
#14
May 26, 2016
545
3
0
#14
Lily777 said:
Thank you so very much. That is a wise saying. Yes it makes me wonder if he would remain faithful for sure. Even your saying on the bottom of your post, "The true definition of love is sacrifice."

Yes I should have just titled this fornication. Which is basically sex outside of marriage. I don't know how on earth he can say he loves me, but let me go because he wants to have sex. That is not love at all.
Click to expand...
Yes, sorry that happened to you. It's unbelievable.
 
J

jeremyPJ

Guest
#16
#16
Lily777 said:
So the current "Christian man" I'm dating, 44 years old, goes to church, writes music onto God, etc is "discouraged" because I want to wait for marriage before sex. He says he does love me. But because I don't want to have sexual relations, he says it's not going to work out and that we should remain friends.

It's a no brainer, right?

I know it is, but I need ya'll to tell me it's a no brainer.

Cause I can't believe the relationships I'm running into with what I thought were men who loved the Lord and I though His Word made it perfectly clear fornication is a sin.

How could he possibly love me if he breaks up because he isn't getting what he wanted? He's full of it, right? No brainer?
Click to expand...
I'll be glad to tell you Lilly, it's a no-brainer.
If he wants to break the rules with this, what will he do later? Sorry but that says a lot to me. A good man must respect your wishes, especially in the Lord.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#17
#17
NO TO THE B.R.A.I.N.E.R
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#18
#18
I'll add hang in there lily. The Lord will bless your obedience.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#19
#19
It's a no brainer, sister! Think of it this way, if he's willing to disobey God before marriage, imagine what he's willing to do once married?
You are dodging a bullet. Prayers for you!
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#20
May 17, 2015
2,921
1,593
113
47
#20
I'm waiting too.

The only woman for whom I would use "Song of Solomon" language is my future wife. :)
 
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