Are You (and Do You Prefer) Someone Who is Out in The Open, or Deep and Mysterious?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,441
5,389
113
#1
Hey everyone,

I was flipping through a magazine while waiting for an appointment, and I happened to glance over an interview with a famous pop singer and actress. During the interview, it was noted that each of these performers rarely gave interviews and even when they did, they would seldom share anything more than their thoughts on their current project or on the industry itself.

When asked why, both celebrities answered that they felt it was necessary to keep an aura of "mystery" around themselves in order to keep the public wanting more.

I have often wondered if this is what people prefer when dating as well.

I'm not sure if this is true for men (?), but I know I have read several articles before that advise women to "maintain a little mystery" in order to "keep a man's interest."

First of all, anyone familiar with my posts knows that I'm about as opposite from the term "mysterious" as one could get. If someone is sincere, asks good questions, is willing to share of themselves and seems trustworthy, it won't take me long to spill pretty much my entire life history (don't worry... it takes less than 10 minutes! :))

And because communication is something I personally gravitate towards, I would just naturally feel more comfortable with someone who has a more open personality. A guy who was trying to be "mysterious" would make me think he was playing hard to get, and if he was extremely resistant to sharing anything about his life, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be the right one for him, because I am always trying to get people to talk about their lives and thoughts.

And here's where it gets a little tricky: I've met some people who weren't trying to be mysterious at all--they were just shy, or had never had anyone show an interest in THEIR interests--so once they were asked about their hobbies or life experiences, they were more than happy to share when given an opportunity.

On the flip side, I've also met some people who, bless their hearts, are being honest--and I totally respect that--but they might also share a wee bit much too soon (hint: please don't tell me about your personal life with your ex-wife on the first date.)

But, all of this might just be me.

Instead, I'd like to know what YOU think:

* Do you consider yourself to be pretty open, or do you like to stay more reserved and "mysterious"? Why or why not?

* When looking for a significant other, do you prefer THEM to be very open, or more held back, and why?

* Where are the boundaries? When is someone too open, and when are they being so "mysterious" that they come across as detached or distant?

* What if both people are the "mysterious" types... Would that hinder communication? And what if one is a sharer and the other holds back--would they still be able to work out a good line of communication?

I would love to hear your thoughts! :)
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#2
Out and open. I am and prefer it. I don't want to wait and see. I'd like to get things moving
 
Mar 11, 2016
3,055
242
63
Singapore
abigail.pro
#3
* Do you consider yourself to be pretty open, or do you like to stay more reserved and "mysterious"? Why or why not?

I'm this open...



I can't help it. I just can't stay quiet. T_T

* When looking for a significant other, do you prefer THEM to be very open, or more held back, and why?

I would want them to be open :D I'm not that good at getting people to talk.

* Where are the boundaries? When is someone too open, and when are they being so "mysterious" that they come across as detached or distant?

I've met guys that are way too honest (or rather, emotionally carried away) they get desperate and that's not very appealing. It only means, instead of being positively open (not hiding anything) it's more like, they lack self-control.

I don't know to explain this, but I think we just know when someone is being hard to get. I think it's a gut feeling? When I notice that a guy is being detached - that may be unintentionally, they could be going through something or what. I'd give him the benefit of a doubt. However, if he remains distant, it could be because my presence isn't welcomed in his life lol. Then I move on. It's not that I'm desperate to get a date lol.

* What if both people are the "mysterious" types... Would that hinder communication? And what if one is a sharer and the other holds back--would they still be able to work out a good line of communication?

I think a talker and a listener complement each other well. But not everyone can be a sponge all his life and just absorb whatever his parter gives him, so balance and communication is key. But then again, my experiences in this... field of study, is kinda limited lol.

One thing I wanna add though, the last time I chased a mysterious guy, I got disappointed
:rolleyes: I found out he was just human lol.
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#4
I don't know about mysterious, but I would like her to be reserved just like I am. Having the few friends is fine, but if she's super social and talking to this person and that person, having people over a lot...yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable being with someone like that.

I do hope that despite how reserved we both would be, we could still be comfortable with each other and be ourselves with each other.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#5
Overly social men make me nervous.

At some point there has to be another interest they give time to.

Some loner project.

I don't know about mysterious, but I would like her to be reserved just like I am. Having the few friends is fine, but if she's super social and talking to this person and that person, having people over a lot...yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable being with someone like that.

I do hope that despite how reserved we both would be, we could still be comfortable with each other and be ourselves with each other.
 

razor17

Senior Member
Aug 16, 2017
192
23
18
#6
This is a long question seoul! argh! but I shall answer... :D

I am more of a reserved person....I was always like this but after getting hurt a few times I have probably increased my "reservedness" (idk if that's a word grammar police don't arrest me :p).....

Sometimes people say I'm mysterious because I don't just go out their flaunting my hobbies/talents/interests....its more of a thing that people have to dig out of me...but then are shocked to find out that im not some plain joe shmoe....but someone who has variety in their life :).....

for example I had a teacher who thought I was just a book nerd because I was very serious in the classroom.....they thought that studies was all my life was about....until they found out that I played tennis, ran a mile a day, played piano (they heard me in a school chapel service and was a bit shocked), enjoyed singing, loved acting in drama/theater, loved creating art and using photoshop to create cool pictures...

the funny thing is she found all this in my senior year.....and was a bit sad that she judged me as a "boring book person" all my school life ...it just goes to show that you can never judge a book by its cover....sometimes we wait too long to get to know someone who may come across as a bit closed/reserved but the more you connect with them, the more they will share and amaze you in ways you don't expect....

I find it kind of refreshing to not have someone know all about me all at once....a little intrigue keeps the fire going :D....

I've had women who were interested in me, and little by little they found out cool things about me and it kept the relationship fresh so to speak....

remember familiarity breeds contempt...keep em guessing :p
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
175
63
36
#7
* Do you consider yourself to be pretty open, or do you like to stay more reserved and "mysterious"? Why or why not?

I actually believe that Im pretty open and honest about myself. But Im also generally pretty shy, so I think that some people believe Im "mysterious", when in reality I just dont know what to say or how to speak my mind at that time.

I do keep some things to myself, like when Im dealing with a hard time, unless its working its way into my interactions with others I generally do keep such things to myself. But thats more of a moral thing with me. Most people have difficulties they are dealing with, and I dont feel its right or fair to pile mine on everyone else all the time. But, Id definitely be willing to talk about them with the right person.

* When looking for a significant other, do you prefer THEM to be very open, or more held back, and why?

Definitely open. I dont like it when people dont say what they feel. I find it often leads to more problems, like people becoming passive aggressive and unable to talk their problems through.
When it comes to things they believe, or their interests or whatever, I want to hear these things too : p I want to know the person Im talking with, and I very much enjoy sharing thoughts and interests, meaning the other person has to share, too.

* Where are the boundaries? When is someone too open, and when are they being so "mysterious" that they come across as detached or distant?

I once for a short time was friends with a girl who identified as a boy in my old life. I remember she one day when she was telling me about the fetishes of her new friend. Thought that was too much.
Im all about talking about the body when it comes to health and junk, but at the same time I feel like people share more than they need to when talking about it. Im not sure how to write an example of what I mean here, but like sometimes saying something like "using the restroom" over telling me specifically what you were doing is a much easier way to handle such a conversation.

I dont know if Ive ever felt someone was too detached. Oh but, I do have one friend who often doesnt have much to say about a certain topic or whatever, but its not so much that hes mysterious as much as it is that he just doesnt have any opinion on the topic. That can be unfun : p

* What if both people are the "mysterious" types... Would that hinder communication? And what if one is a sharer and the other holds back--would they still be able to work out a good line of communication?

I really dont have a good answer for that one : p
 
T

toinena

Guest
#8
* Do you consider yourself to be pretty open, or do you like to stay more reserved and "mysterious"? Why or why not?
I am too open. When asked I reply. I have nothing to hide and it is better to tell the ugly truth than to try to hide the obvious. It is not with everyone I share everything, though. And some might misjudge me based on the bits and pieces I give of information. (One thought I was a socialist..based on my clothes!!!!!!! Never, ever would I vote for a socialist party)

* When looking for a significant other, do you prefer THEM to be very open, or more held back, and why?
I prefer them to be open, but I never push. I might guess and ask, but if they don't tell, I respect that. BUT I NEED TO UNDERSTAND.... and that might result in a bunch of strange questions (Spanish inquisition type)

* Where are the boundaries? When is someone too open, and when are they being so "mysterious" that they come across as detached or distant? Too open: Sexual preferences during the first week. Too distant: Obviously not wanting to answer a single question but sugar coats it with sweet talk.

* What if both people are the "mysterious" types... Would that hinder communication? And what if one is a sharer and the other holds back--would they still be able to work out a good line of communication? I think, although I am open and transparent, I find it intriguing to figure someone out. So I like the exploration of an introvert nerd of a man... And as a special ed teacher, I always try to find the potential in everyone. Something that is not a very wise thing to do, I know.


Great idea for a thread, by the way! Good to have you back, Seoulsearch!
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
265
83
Row A, Column 9
#9
1. Well, I seldom speak to anyone in public unless I have to, and a while ago on CC, I decided that I would never fully reveal my face, soooo...yeah, I'm REAL open, huh? :p

2. I think a bit mysterious would be okay. A person who throws personal information around in all directions would not be ideal, for obvious reasons.

3. Uhh...not sure about that one. :/

4. This reminds me of a time when I was assigned to do a project in Global Perspectives with this very silent (even more than me!), awkward boy who was only slightly taller than me. Despite neither of us uttering a word to each other for the whole duration of the project, it went smoothly and we ended up getting a B. So yes, I believe that if I could get away with doing that, two mysterious people could easily find a way to communicate with each other.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#10
I'm typically reserved and mysterious but every once in a while I am open about things,as for do I prefer someone reserved or not I'd rather not speculate on preference alot.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,608
113
#11
SeoulSearch,

I know what you're up to.... and it's shameful.

The forum has recently erupted into all kinds of madness and animosity, and you think you can just assuage the mayhem with a bit of levity and TLC.

How dare you try to subvert all the animosity we've put so much time and effort into!

Do you even realize how much energy we've had to exert to be this upset?

Do you not respect the countless hours, and the herculean effort it's taken to work ourselves into this fitful state?

And now you're just throwing it all away... throwing away all of our hard-earned stress and animosity just for some kind of "peace and harmony" something or other.

Seriously... peace and harmony?
What place does THAT have on a Christian website.

The nerve you have.

I am just beside myself right now.

And being "beside myself" makes me really uncomfortable when I look in the mirror...
and it's all your fault.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#12
SeoulSearch,

I know what you're up to.... and it's shameful.

The forum has recently erupted into all kinds of madness and animosity, and you think you can just assuage the mayhem with a bit of levity and TLC.

How dare you try to subvert all the animosity we've put so much time and effort into!

Do you even realize how much energy we've had to exert to be this upset?

Do you not respect the countless hours, and the herculean effort it's taken to work ourselves into this fitful state?

And now you're just throwing it all away... throwing away all of our hard-earned stress and animosity just for some kind of "peace and harmony" something or other.

Seriously... peace and harmony?
What place does THAT have on a Christian website.

The nerve you have.

I am just beside myself right now.

And being "beside myself" makes me really uncomfortable when I look in the mirror...
and it's all your fault.
(no lava???????)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,441
5,389
113
#13
SeoulSearch,

I know what you're up to.... and it's shameful.

The forum has recently erupted into all kinds of madness and animosity, and you think you can just assuage the mayhem with a bit of levity and TLC.

How dare you try to subvert all the animosity we've put so much time and effort into!

Do you even realize how much energy we've had to exert to be this upset?

Do you not respect the countless hours, and the herculean effort it's taken to work ourselves into this fitful state?

And now you're just throwing it all away... throwing away all of our hard-earned stress and animosity just for some kind of "peace and harmony" something or other.

Seriously... peace and harmony?
What place does THAT have on a Christian website.

The nerve you have.

I am just beside myself right now.

And being "beside myself" makes me really uncomfortable when I look in the mirror...
and it's all your fault.
LOL.

You're totally right, Max.

I'm going to have to pack it up and take my business elsewhere. I've heard there might be a spot open on the local Friendly Neighborhood Atheist Forum... :rolleyes:

Seriously, you guys crack me up. :p I've loved all of your responses and I hope people will continue to share!!!

I also agree with what's been said here about some people being a little too overly social. I understand that it may be their preference or because of their job, but it makes me uncomfortable. I know a girl I would have loved to have been friends with, but she's in the ministry (NOT saying that this is a bad thing at all, of course!) and was always being pulled in 30 different directions.

We would try to go out just to have a quick lunch and catch up, but anywhere we went, people would always be stopping her and we never got to talk.

She's a darling person, one of the sweetest you'll ever meet, but eventually, I had to give up trying to compete with the masses for her time or attention :( (leaving me to stalk the rest of you people instead. :))

On the other hand, I also feel uncomfortable around people with "locked" personalities--I understand they might have really been hurt by others, and I understand having to earn someone's trust, but if they act like I have to jump through an obstacle course in order to get them to answer any sort of question or as if they're rewarding me with solid gold bars by telling me about themselves, I will choose to move on.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
60,015
29,384
113
#14
I am just beside myself right now.

And being "beside myself" makes me really uncomfortable when I look in the mirror...
Do you have two eyes when you see yourself beside yourself like that? :cool:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,285
9,333
113
#15
Hmm...

Since you opened with a famous singer reference, I will mention keeping the masses intrigued is much different from keeping a date intrigued. Which all of us already know, but I'm reminded of a story about a famous author who had a peculiar habit when he traveled. Every night he would have a single live chicken delivered to his hotel room. Nobody ever found a trace of the chicken when he left the hotel room the next day, not so much as half a feather. Turns out he hired a person to quietly take the chicken away in the night. The whole thing was just to make rumors about him, for publicity.

Anyway, for being intriguing to a date I am reminded of a song called "So much cooler online" about a guy who only has an internet social life... where he is much cooler, kind of mysterious, and girls like that, but he's really mysterious because he doesn't want to tell people he's living in mom and dad's basement.

As for me, I don't walk up to everybody and volunteer everything I know, but I'll answer questions honestly. I don't have a lot of patience with having to dig for information with other people, so if somebody plays it cagey I usually just leave things alone and go do something else. If a topic comes up that somebody doesn't want to talk about I can respect that, but I hate when people try to make you guess. Life is too short for guessing games. Either tell me or don't, and let's get on to important things like what's for lunch.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,721
113
Georgia
#16
I'm very open and I want my someone special to be very open. I wanna know your past (what am I getting myself into) as well as what's going on in that mind of yours today. I'm a reasonable person so I won't pitch a fit about the past stuff , but I'd at least like to know.
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#17
*way too mysterious to answer this*
 

simplicity101

Junior Member
Oct 30, 2015
20
0
0
#18
I prefer some who can be open (atleast with me). I am normally an open person myself.
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
818
113
54
#19
I prefer to be open and honest with everything. I'm willing to answer any questions. I would prefer being able to ask any questions I feel like when getting to know a person. Honesty given and received is key in any relationship. Mystery isn't necessary. A person can always surprise someone (i.e. a special night out but only saying how to dress) without hiding facts about themselves. Ive been told that I'm extremely easy to talk to and truth is, I like setting people at ease.
 
Last edited:

Addison

Senior Member
Jun 28, 2014
1,028
46
0
54
#20
I would prefer someone who is a deaf mute, born without a tongue.

Any form of anger or conflict from her would have to be communicated through hand gesticulations.
:eek: