Need Relationship Advice, Please!
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i mentioned former member AgeofKnowledge upthread, and how he defended/supported men and masculinity.
I agreed with a lot of what AoK posted, but this person is whole other ball of wax............
I agreed with a lot of what AoK posted, but this person is whole other ball of wax............
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I am assuming that the "demeaning" text is the one that says, "Really?!?!?!".
Based on that assumption, I think it's worth a laugh. I don't think anyone "owes" anyone anything, except perhaps your kids owe you a thorough kitchen cleanup.
There are far worse things over which to lose your marbles. Teach the kids. Monitor their progress. Model forgiveness and humility.
I'll stop there, lest I type another sermon.
Based on that assumption, I think it's worth a laugh. I don't think anyone "owes" anyone anything, except perhaps your kids owe you a thorough kitchen cleanup.
There are far worse things over which to lose your marbles. Teach the kids. Monitor their progress. Model forgiveness and humility.
I'll stop there, lest I type another sermon.
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Sadly I seem to be someone that needs way more information to even understand how to answer whether this was uncalled for or not.
What was said with the pictures? Was it just the pictures with no explanation, or was it like “this is what YOUR CHILDREN DID” kinda comment? Was it to start a discussion of “hey the kids left this mess, we gotta talk to them about being more responsible” and open a dialogue? Was a parent with them when it happened?
And forgive me for being rude, I appreciate you seeking help on parenting and marriage, but what is the end goal of this thread? Is it to prove that “other people think you were being rude” or is it more about self reflection and trying to stay accountable? If the first, I think that’s between you guys. If the second, you may want to find Christian friends/mentors as well so you don’t have to wait for all of us. You know since we’re kinda far and you gotta wait and weed through responses.
What was said with the pictures? Was it just the pictures with no explanation, or was it like “this is what YOUR CHILDREN DID” kinda comment? Was it to start a discussion of “hey the kids left this mess, we gotta talk to them about being more responsible” and open a dialogue? Was a parent with them when it happened?
And forgive me for being rude, I appreciate you seeking help on parenting and marriage, but what is the end goal of this thread? Is it to prove that “other people think you were being rude” or is it more about self reflection and trying to stay accountable? If the first, I think that’s between you guys. If the second, you may want to find Christian friends/mentors as well so you don’t have to wait for all of us. You know since we’re kinda far and you gotta wait and weed through responses.
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Hubby: Thank you for your assistance. We were challenged by our marriage counselor to "get consensus" regarding the text message. I would rather not get consensus, because of several reasons, but I am complying with his request. The text was a few pics of the condition that the kids left and the word: "Really?!?!?!" My reason for sending the message was to alert her to the kids' mess so that she could address it with them when she returned home. Our four kids are ages 5-12. they can and do clean up after themselves, though we have to stay on them to do it. The big deal to me was the milk left out to spoil and the fact that we pay allowance based upon how much we have to do manage them. Taking more responsibility and initiative pays more allowance. My wife did not acknowledge or answer the text. I did not expect an answer. It was just an informational text. When we went to the next counseling meeting, I felt very ambushed and betrayed by the fact that she gave this text, with tears, as an example of "harsh/demeaning/critical" conversation. She had not mentioned this to me at all and this was such a benign (in my mind) piece of communication to use as an example to the question. Does this background help?
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Ok that makes way more sense now, and I totally get you following your marriage counselors guidance. Understandably even when the sender thinks it’s unnecessary, but again you’re being Obi didn’t. Good on you.
In my opinion the text was by no means benign. It was accusatory only in the fact that it wasn’t fully explained by the sender, and sadly was left up to very possibly harming interpretation. It could have been meant simply as “I can’t believe this happened!” Not as a criticism, but as a vent. Just describing his annoyance at the event.
I think on the wife’s side, the fact it was hurtful but not discussed is not good. It should have been immediately made clear that it was hurtful. Holding onto it emotionally as well as physically was just not healthy.
In my opinion the text was by no means benign. It was accusatory only in the fact that it wasn’t fully explained by the sender, and sadly was left up to very possibly harming interpretation. It could have been meant simply as “I can’t believe this happened!” Not as a criticism, but as a vent. Just describing his annoyance at the event.
I think on the wife’s side, the fact it was hurtful but not discussed is not good. It should have been immediately made clear that it was hurtful. Holding onto it emotionally as well as physically was just not healthy.
